This week is rapidly devolving into a cavalcade of Obscure PA references. We’ve got Monday’s adventure, where the watch that was stolen and then returned is once again in enemy hands. Today’s offering is perhaps less hidden than the one before it. For a couple guys who purport to loathe the undead, we can’t seem to get enough: Don’t Say It!, Z Is For Zombie, The Rain, and Auditions Of The Damned are just a sampling of our paranormal encounters.
It’s like this, though: for videogame enemies, make mine a zombie.
They’re corporeal, so you can kick them and kick them with your kung-fu. And it’s okay, because they don’t even know you’re doing it.
They aren’t smart, not like Vampires, who have to talk about how tortured their shit is before you touch up their coiffure with a shotgun, or some other type of gun.
Nobody ever gets mad when you kill zombies, you can’t - because they’re already dead. Nobody is ever, like, “Please don’t hurt him, he only burns with a gnawing, ceaseless, and immortal hunger.” No weird organization you’ve never heard of is gonna wave a sign at you for getting your kick on, unless the sign looks something like this:
The obscurity I mentioned before has apparently leapt from our own site and out into the wide world. Ever played AC? Asheron’s Call, I mean? You probably know that it’s an MMORPG, one I took intravenously for a few months. Here’s an old newspost penned in the throes of my desire, when Dalwyn Kell and his bow Rabbit’s Bane made a name for themselves among the harmless rodents of Dereth. When I figured out that there’s just a few degrees of separation between a good Archer and a good Cook, statistically speaking, I bought so many pots, pans, and cookbooks that I could no longer move. It’s a great system, and one that made a lot of natural sense in most cases - combine vegetables and pots to make soup, combine batter and baking pans to make cake, combine carrot cake cubes and milk to make carrot cake soup. It’s true - Maggie, of The Fabulous Realm Of Maggie The Jackcat fame, answered a query about it in her letters section. I thoroughly enjoyed writing about the experience - I can’t tell you how pleased this whole thing makes me, but you may assume that it is quite a lot. You know what, speaking of AC, GameSpy’s got a new interview up that covers the inevitable sequel. I hope Turbine‘s got something to show on this come May, as I’d love to talk to somebody there about it.
After Monday’s quick take on the Renegade Demo - where I may have gone overboard - we received a very nice mail from Paradox, who offered to walk me around the game a bit and show me how good it can be. I’m down with that. He offered me a spot with them last night, even, and I would have taken him up on it if AT&T Broadband could keep my Goddamn cable modem connected for more than fifteen consecutive minutes. I mean honestly, AT&T. When you guys get done downloading those barnyard fetish videos, flip the switch by my name from “broken” to “working” if you don’t think it’ll break your fucking arm. Anyhow, these guys that are going to learn me some Renegade were in on the Beta, where they had loads of other maps and (to hear them tell it) much smoother play using Westwood’s own matchmaking service. Anyhow, I also got in touch with a guy out at Westwood, and asked him a handful of questions about their demo point blank. Who knows what I’ll get back, if anything - but whatever it is, you’ll see it up here.
that’s a black lie