Penny Arcade

Today’s strip features nearly a half-ton of prime bear.  Speaking of which, I’ve always been a little disappointed that our plan to produce authentic Bear Steins never came to fruition - I can’t shake the notion that there are those who want to drink bear, but settle for other liquids.

Hello, and welcome to Clarification Theatre.  I’ll be your host, Me.

• Gunvalkyrie:  Check out Gamespot‘s take on things, if you’re still wondering where you’ll land on it - I doubt Gabe or Monkey will ever touch it again.  It’s not a game that you can just pick up and play, as I said previously - it takes a bit (well, a lot) of getting used to, and some levels unduly punish the player for minute errors - which the controls don’t help.  In the end, these are things that (as the Gamespot reviewer states) you either can or can’t overlook.  I can overlook it.  And, as I said on Friday, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone found the toil and the reward incongruous.

• Freedom Force:  I do hope you took up Irrational Games on their offer of a demo, the retail version is to be released this Tuesday as I understand it.  It is not a long demo, by any means - but you could get some good time out of it if you felt like doing to, leveraging their Character and Ability creation tools to craft paragons of superheroism like my own Sunder and/or Breakpoint.  I received a mail from a reader curious about the game’s moddability - for example, can one skin their own heroes?  Yes, comes the jubilant and emphatic reply.  Yes, you may:  they’ve even produced a tool which allows industrious lads or lassi to have skins ready to go, well in advance of a game purchase.  I pre-ordered from that EBX over in Redmond, as the box claimed I would be privy to several unique heroes.  The actual site codifies the arrangement, however:  what I get are three unique skins.  Skins, for fuck’s sake!  As though there’ll be some kind of shortage?

• A large number of people wrote in about my comment on the Radica Flood Light, which I boldly claimed was the only GBA light worth buying.  The mail either took me to task for the implied slight against Portable Monopoly‘s Afterburner product, or expressed a deep hunger for additional info.  I think I’m probably on record somewhere as saying that the front-lighting solution from Portable Monopoly perfects the Game Boy Advance.  If there is a more advanced praise technology I can leverage in regarding the Afterburner, please direct me toward it.  We’ve supported that project since it was little more than a hazy concept.  But it is hardly an off-the-shelf solution - you aren’t going to stroll into a store, grab one, stick it on your GBA and immediately begin the rocking process.  You need to perform surgery on your handheld before you see any benefits.  I don’t even see it as being in the same category as the (invariably worthless) consumer lights, being an invasive modification to the system.  There’s going to be people who, for whatever reason, don’t want to open their machine - and until the Flood Light, I didn’t think there was a viable alternative.  Perhaps Gabe and I should do a full review.

I’ve got the winner all lined up for das “Embarrass Yourself For Our Amusement And Win Dungeon Siege Or Something” contest, and I’ll make her life available for public mockery this week.  I’m disappointed that more of you did not choose to humiliate yourselves, but on the other hand, I was not forced to see any of you naked.  I’m willing to call it even.  The next time we dangle a bauble before you, however - please try to be more spritely! 

(CW)TB out.

you’re the last thing on my mind

There’s a piece of “hatemail” over at Monkey’s site, at least, that’s what he calls it.

I’m just glad somebody is finally onto him.

(CW)TB

I have a list of things I wanted to talk about in my little update here. I have some games on there and some Penny Arcade related stuff. I’ll get to all that stuff in a minute though. Right now I have something more important to discuss.

“The worst part about multiplayer games is that you have to play them with other people.”
-Gabriel

The PA crew plays Medal of Honor every night. It’s safe to say that we are all quite in love with it. However lately I have been getting more and more frustrated during our extended MOHAA evenings. Not because of anything in the game but because of the absolute dick heads that seem to occupy most servers. I am referring to those players who bitch about the Rocket Launcher and the Shotgun. Things like “ROCKET PUSSY!” and “SHOTGUN WHORE!” are totally common. Not a night goes by without some mouth breathing monkey fucker complaining about our choice of weapon. The fact of the matter is that people who take the rocket launcher are not only sitting ducks much of the time, but tend to blow them selves up along with their targets. It is not an easy weapon to use. The person on your team who takes it needs plenty of support from other players with close range rapid fire weapons. As for the shotgun it too has it’s weaknesses. It’s worthless at a distance and leaves it’s owner wide open during the reload sequence.  However people would rather bitch about getting killed than take the time to actually learn how these weapons operate and then attack accordingly. We will of course be playing again tonight and I would like to ask a special favor of some of you. If you are one of these people I spoke of, who bitch and moan about the RL or the shotgun please do us all a favor and throw your computer in the garbage. Buy yourself a light bright and pretend your playing online games with it. You will probably have more fun since you won’t get your ass handed to you all the time, and the rest of us won’t have to put up with your inane jibber jabber.

Okay, now on to the good stuff.

Andrew Park has a great new gamespotting article up about the Neo Geo. I know exactly where he is coming from. My first really expensive home cart purchase was Last Blade 2. Just try explaining to your wife why the video game you want costs $300. It was at that point that I decided to focus my collection on the arcade software. Games for the Neo Geo arcade machine were produced in much larger quantities and are therefore quite a bit cheaper. Your sill gonna have to drop big money on games Like Mark of the Wolves and Metal Slug but over all it’s a much cheaper way to get into the Neo. Of course you do need an arcade cabinet to play them in but chances are you can get one for almost the same price you would pay for a mint home system.

Virtua Fighter 4 continues to amaze me. I have been playing Kumite with my character Pai and am now a 1st Dan. The competition at this level is insane though and I have already lost my rank and gained it back a few times. I have earned some fancy new jade bracelets as well as a necklace to wear into battle. I have also come to the conclusion that Dural is the reincarnation of Christ and cannot be killed.

Safety Monkey and I beat Jedi Starfighter yesterday. We played the entire game cooperatively and had a blast doing it. I know I try and present myself as a hardcore Star Wars fan and in reality I like to think I am. However I do have one question about this game. Now I love using force lighting to destroy a group of ships, if fact I giggle each and every time I do it. But isn’t force lighting a dark side power? And if so why is it being used by Adi Gallia? Speaking of Star Wars the latest book in the New Jedi Order series comes out this week and I couldn’t be happier.

While looking for pictures of a grizzly bear to draw today’s comic I found this site. I have to admit I find their work a bit unsettling. I have no idea where you would put a life size grizzly bear chasing a wolf in your house. Does that sort of thing go in the living room or the den? Also I made this funny picture.

We have added a new gift to Club PA this month. Current members for the month of March should already have received it. Part one of our new special behind the scenes look at how the comic strip is made is now available to members. If you have ever wondered how we make our special magic here at the arcade, now is your chance to find out.

Think I am exaggerating how stupid some of the people in MOHAA are? Take a gander at these winners.

-Gabe out.

(UPDATE: To everyone who went to the SK Forums… you are all my children, with whom I am well pleased.  I’m especially pleased with everyone who thought to mention Clan (PP), also known as the Prancing Ponies.  That’s some funny shit, man.)

It’s a little ironic, actually… I stayed up late last night writing my own vitriolic rant regarding bitches that can’t stop whining about the weapon they were killed with, and when I go to the site this morning to upload it, Gabe’s got a virtually identical bit.  Still, if you want to read my thoughts on this irritating issue, please head to the ranting page on my personal site without delay.  I think you will find that although Gabe and I are in agreement on the subject of shitheads, my words are superior, and you will immediately recognize that I am the stronger, more intelligent, and more attractive of the two of us.

Gabe also linked to the Satanic Knights Clan, which was going to be my little treat for you this morning.  These chuckleheads actually challenged us to a clan match, despite the exponential difference in our respective scores.  We told them to meet us at a given IP address in an hour for the big showdown; but the IP address was for the server we were already on, and then we all just logged off and went to bed.  At any rate, I would be delighted if as many of you as possible would register on their shitty forums, and tell them how much hackey-sack sucks.  It’s too complex to explain WHY you need to tell them that hackey-sack sucks, you’ll just have to trust me on this one… but I can guarantee the inane rage you will drive them into will make the ordeal more than worth your time.

Last but most certainly not least:  I think someone is trying to kill me.  I mean it.  Exhibit A:  The EBX release list for the coming week.  Heroes of Might & Magic, Freedom Force, and Jedi “Jesus Fucking Christ” Knight II, all on one week?  What the hell am I supposed to do?  Even if I broke up with my girlfriend, quit my job, stopped eating and only slept 2 hours a day, I wouldn’t have time to play all these titles.  Truly, these are dark times… let the rending of garments and the gnashing of teeth begin!

(PP)Safety Monkey out.