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Tycho

Dear Lord!

Friday, April 19 2002 - 6:41 AM
by: Tycho
I'm actually surprised that I'm still alive. I'm not referring to my well-publicized cold, which your well-wishing has made quite tolerable indeed. Well, that and Aleve, which (as it turns out!) contains high concentrations of goofballs. No, I'm talking about Taxes, that special time of year when the amorous avatar of our nation Uncle Sam gets that special gleam in his eye. I was not aware that one could pay their taxes in installments, I guess I just thought they sent six-legged robo-hounds to your house to prick you with their deadly tongues, which are also syringes. Don't mind me, it's the medicine talking. I do appreciate your indulgence with the late posts, once I feel better (and can stay awake all day) I'll cinch up the schedule again.

Here's today's comic. As a crew, we're sort of between games at the moment - we're slowly transitioning out of Medal of Honor (to the exultation of idiots everywhere) and into... Well, we don't know. I'm for Jedi Outcast, myself, but Gabe and Kara don't swing that way. Long term, we'd be looking at Neverwinter or Unreal Tournament 2k3 (particularly the Bombing Run gametype), but we need something along a shorter timeline - and the Soldier of Fortune 2 test fits the bill nicely. I keep hearing it touted as a "realistic" game, which strikes me as marketeering more than anything else. It is quite lethal, as many of the most popular online games are these days, but the velocity of the experience strikes me as more arcade than "realistic." Frivolous play is rewarded with death, as it would be in any proper quarter-muncher. The weapon models, sound effects, and character models all mean Goddamn business, Goddamnit, and I don't know that firefights have ever sounded so fearful or so fantastic. The bottom line is that it's great fun. I don't know how many maps are promised for play in the box, but it's somewhere around infinity if you count the random generator. I'd like to applaud Raven for their in-game menu system, though it probably sounds like a silly thing to compliment. An innovation from Team Arena that never caught on for some reason, it puts everything you need - server info, configuration panels, even a very functional friend finder - right there in in a clean bar along the top. Their Jedi Outcast sports the same feature, and its elegance is welcome. Set for retail release next month, I do not doubt that SoF2 will claim a position of prominence in our nightly adventures.

I said on Monday that we would likely discuss Soccer Slam in greater detail, because at the time we had every intention of doing a comic strip on it. Actually trying to write said strip proved more difficult, exposing a gaming comic axiom that I call the Elasticity of Game Quality. Put simply, if a game is excellent, it's often harder to deliver that in a concise strip than if a game amounts to a miserable insult. Gabe, Batjew, and I played the game for over eight hours in a sitting. We were not aware of the fact until other human beings, beings who are apparently able to detect time, made this clear to us. That's because like Virtua Tennis, a.k.a. Sega's flawless jewel, Soccer Slam takes out everything that is unnecessary, streamlines what remains, and puts you at the helm with controls so effortless you feel like the Greek God of Soccer, Socceros, in no time. The quest mode (played single or with up to three players) has you vying for the Continental Cup, earning cash throughout that you may redeem for new equipment (which not only improves performance, but physically alters the characters). I hope it's a success, because it deserves to be. I've heard that the single player mode is lacklustre, and maybe that's true. I wouldn't know. After our glorious, day-spanning foray into the world of fantasy footy, I guess I don't think of it as a single player game. I'm sure Monopoly's "single player mode" sucks as well, but I don't see anybody trolling message boards about it.

The Master of the Ravenwing Scouts has challenged me to Warhammer 40k CCG combat, and I would not be properly representing PA if I did not take him up on it. I'll write about my experience next week in detail, the experience of having my ass kicked I mean, and hopefully I can capture the lyrical dance of foot and ass in a way that will not pain you to read it. GameScape (serving the role/card playing enthusiast in the Bay Area - Palo Alto, San Francisco, and San Rafael to be exact) said they'd send me a deck or two, and I told them they had to bring enough for the rest of the class, by which I mean you. Another Triple Threat (3T) is on tap for this month, it will probably include more excellent books and miniatures from Sanguine, the aforementioned cards from GameScape, and (if we're lucky) an Xbox Controller S. Stay tuned.

(CW)TB out.

all those other bastards were only practice

Tycho

Curiouser

Friday, April 19 2002 - 6:58 AM
by: Tycho
Regarding Wednesday's comic (which concerned the production of dubious promotional materials), an anonymous producer from an anonymous production company chimed in with the following:

Just an anonymous (if you don't mind) bit of knowledge for you on most Gamespot (and now other online preview places)...We (the publisher) send out two levels of images to reviewers on an "Art Asset" CD. One level is a high quality BMP, usually about 2MB-4MB range. The next is a pretty strong quality JPG usually 350-700KB. What SOME places like Gamespot do is take the lower quality one, put it through what I term the "video grinder" and shove it back out to the public in a 50-65KB choppy piece of shit that is nearly blurred out of existence.

This recent rash of "what do I care what it looks like so long as my bandwidth is low?" attitude has caused us to rethink how we (in production) are sending screenshots to our PR people who then send them out to these schmucks that post the chopped-to-hell images on the net for fans to (rightfully) mock. I can understand conserving a little cash on bandwidth, but at least put the fucking images through a photo editing program like ohhhh...I dunno....PHOTOSHOP, rather than MS Paint.

Interesting. This isn't the first I've heard about friction between publishers and gaming journalism as an industry - the last guy who spoke to me off the record expressed frustration with IGN, who often locks their best stuff away in a magic box.

(CW)TB

Tycho

Caution: <i>Nipplecats</i>

Friday, April 19 2002 - 7:39 AM
by: Tycho
I honestly have no idea.

  • Uh, Nipplecat: Flash and Fun to salve the soul. Remember, adults use their Nipplecats responsibly. Nipplecats. I can't say it enough!
  • A More Complete Guide To Playing Puzzle Bobble Online: I've been told that my earlier announcement let loose a thundering horde upon the servers, diminishing the supposed "purity" of the game, because the Japanese have a perfect society where you can fuck robots if you want.
  • Endless Ages: An Action RPG that is currently free while in Beta? Where can I sign? Golly, I hope we don't tarnish the purity of this multiplayer game by adding more players. I'm really biting my nails about it.
  • Get Amped Tutorial At MacGamer: Another Japanese multiplayer game, Get Amped looks like a net-playable Super Smash Brothers - and MacGamer checks in with a tutorial on how to get started. Obviously, there's a danger of diluting the, you know, purity or whatever. Just take it under advisement.
  • Vendetta: Guild Software's multiplatform (and by multi, I mean every) spaceflight DM/CTF game has about a thousand spots left for testers, so if you enjoy the smooth flavour of space-sims you may want to drop by - just so long as I have your assurance that you won't erode any purity while you're in there.
  • I would write more, but I have to go adulterate some purity.

    (CW)TB

    Tycho

    I'm Gon' Be On The Radiooooo

    Friday, April 19 2002 - 8:02 AM
    by: Tycho
    Gabe too.

    I actually feel kind of bad about it, because I just turned down Dwarf Vader from the WSBN, but Jupe from Pnet knows Batjew I guess and she lorded that over us.

    The show is called Tribes Talk I believe, but it doesn't sound like we're going to focus much on Tribes, though the Talking part is probably true enough. If this is something you're interested in, bear the following facts in mind:

    Saturday, April 20th, 8:30pm PST on Pnet.

    That is all.

    (CW)TB

    Tycho

    It's Strange

    Friday, April 19 2002 - 10:01 AM
    by: Tycho
    I have this uncontrollable urge to operate heavy machinery.

    (CW)TB

    Gabe

    Thank God it's Today!

    Friday, April 19 2002 - 12:36 PM
    by: Gabe
    Well it's Friday and you all know what that means, it's Love and Hate time! A brand new installment of everyone's favorite advice column staring my wife and an angry Semite is now available right here.

    I'm also pleased to announce that Land of the Rising Fun is now available for your reading pleasure. I'd like to thank the fine folks at videogamedepot.com for sponsoring this feature. While talking to Travis over there on the phone the conversation turned to the Neo-Geo as all my conversations tend to do. Travis kept right up with me and it was at that moment that I knew these were good people. Please check out the first installment of Land of the Rising Fun here. I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this one so please shoot me off an e-mail. I'd like to hear the sorts of things you would like to see covered in an import feature of this kind. What is it that you want to know about the import gaming scene?

    -Gabe out

    Tycho

    Worried

    Friday, April 19 2002 - 1:38 PM
    by: Tycho
    I'm afraid that if I don't take an Aleve the tingling will go away.

    (CW)TB

    Tycho

    More Anonymous Fun!

    Friday, April 19 2002 - 2:41 PM
    by: Tycho
    Please note that this anonymous fun is in response to the anonymous fun posted earlier today.

    The production genius who sent in this bit of industry wisdom is obviously a meathead and should not be allowed within 50 feet of a word processor or an e-mail outbox. The image posted on Gamespot was OBVIOUSLY a scan from a Japanese magazine. If you look at the same shots posted by IGN a day earlier, you'd see GIANT FUCKING JAPANESE TEXT over half the shots. Yeah. I'm sure Capcom sent those scans riiight over, big fellah.

    Also, you've got to wonder if said pinhead ever contemplated the fact that his company's policies tend to differ slightly from those of Japanese developers who NEVER send overseas journalists (online or otherwise) a THING prior to running it five months earlier in Famitsu?

    I could care less what this individual claims to deliver to PR, I have over 5 years experience in gaming "journalism," and unless we're talking about a lousy E3 press disk put together by some marketing schlep who can't tie their own shoes, you NEVER see multiple versions of the same image.

    Unless they are exclusive to a particular medium, game companies are forced to deliver print-quality resolution when they deliver images, as most go to multiple publication types, and said publications resize images as dictated by layout constraints.

    That shot had nothing to do with bandwidth.

    Apparently, this guy also fails to realize that most PR people send these shots to PRINT magazines while online are left out in the cold because most executives are too stupid to figure out that print and online are two distinct demographics, and the online screens he/she is seeing are scans because said assets were never made available.

    Oh, and one more thing, I don't know what lines this poor chap's PR people are feeding him, but in my experience, 9 out of 10 ridiculous alterations in screenshot quality happen on the PR/Marketing side. Online sites tend to tag and post directly captured images with no change outside resizing to an acceptable resolution (the pre-launch Xbox "shots" in 1600x1200 come to mind). I can't tell you how many times developers have called me flipping out over how dark/red/blurry a shot is until I forward the image I received from their PR people and they proceed to send me the original and we both sit and mock their publisher for a few hours.

    After seeing such painfully ignorant analysis in print, it's no wonder shitty game companies continue to put out half-assed, lackluster, me-too software...look who's running the show.

    Rowrr! These industry types get so feisty!

    (CW)TB

    Gabe

    Boosting? More like, stupid!

    Saturday, April 20 2002 - 2:05 AM
    by: Gabe
    I never played Counter Strike. I tried it once and I thought it looked like ass. So I had never heard of this thing called “boosting” until tonight. I call it cheap ass myself. While playing Soldier of Fortune 2 with the rest of the PA crew we came up against a clan using it non stop. After capturing the briefcase they would stack a couple guys up and then jump from the fire escape to the helipad. Now I will be the first to say I don’t like people who bitch when they lose but this seems like total crap to me. I mean, we aren’t playing super fucking Mario Brothers here. If Raven is reading I think you should do something about this. I would suggest something similar to what has been done in CS or RTCW. A stamina bar that would decrease the ability to hop around like circus acrobats is all you need. Hell I think there should be a way to simply not let a player jump on top of another player. I saw this same problem in MOH:AA. Players would jump on their teammates and then get access to weird “holes” in the map that allowed them to run around underneath everyone racking up kills. There is no reason you should be allowed to jump on top of another player. The only people who use that are cheaters and jerks who just want to ruin everyone’s game.

    Oh and Raven, if it’s not to much trouble my wife would like you to add a female model to the game. She hates having to play as a guy.

    -Gabe out.

    Gabe

    Shit, I boned the news!

    Saturday, April 20 2002 - 2:11 AM
    by: Gabe
    Tycho told me that uploading news on a non strip day was tricky. I was all like "Yeah, okay whatever man.” Then I go and fuck it all up. When I made my last post all the news from Friday got bumped into the archive. You can see it all right here.

    Shhhhhh,no one say anything and maybe Tycho won’t notice.

    -Gabe out

    Tycho

    Gabe?

    Saturday, April 20 2002 - 11:45 AM
    by: Tycho
    Is something messed up with the news? It seems messed up.

    (CW)TB

    Gabe

    Don't be silly

    Saturday, April 20 2002 - 11:49 AM
    by: Gabe
    I don’t see anything wrong. It looks like the same old news to me. I don’t know what could possibly be wrong with it. I am sure I would notice if there was something messed up and I don’t see anything messed up so it must be perfectly normal. Yup, must be.

    -Gabe out

    Gabe

    He's the good cop

    Saturday, April 20 2002 - 12:20 PM
    by: Gabe
    Wow I wake up and check my mail to see that once again I have managed to piss off an entire community. It’s like I have some kind of goddmaned gift or something. While scrolling through pro boosting messages I also saw quite a few people suggesting that my screw job of the news system this weekend is a good thing. It seems some of you like having something new to read on Saturday and Sunday. So I figure since I’ve gone this far why stop now.

    A lot of you made some really interesting points regarding boosting. It seems there are different degrees of boosting that I wasn’t aware of. Many of you suggested that two man boosting is perfectly reasonable but anything more than that is not. As I thought about it I think you’re probably right. It seems to me like one player giving another player a boost to a higher level is probably okay. The problem with that is I don’t think that was taken into consideration when the map was constructed. If that’s not the case I would love for someone from Raven to correct me. However I feel like boosting totally negates the genius of MP_SHOP which is a fantastic map. I appreciate it more and more each night we play it. Someone escaping with the briefcase has a healthy assortment of escape routes to choose from. Each time I have seen people boost it has been in an effort to bypass sections of the map that are designed (in my opinion) to control the speed of the match and make the game fair for both sides. The problem as I see it, is that the map was not built with boosting in mind and therefore boosting throws off the pace of the game. The maps in MOH:AA were designed with the rocket launcher and the shotgun in mind. That is why bitching about them is unreasonable. However boosting is not a part of the game. It’s exploiting the map and as far as I am concerned that’s bad form. I would honestly love to hear from map makers about this. I am especially curious what the designers of MP_SHOP have to say. Did they take boosting into consideration? Did they know people would be able to get from the Fire escape to the Helipad by stacking up guys? I’ll let you know if I hear anything.

    Thanks to everyone who wrote in. Like I said I had never heard of this before last night and it really surprised me. I guess you CS players have been dealing with this for years.

    -Gabe out

    Gabe

    Land of the Rising Fun

    Saturday, April 20 2002 - 5:48 PM
    by: Gabe
    Thanks for all the great input on Land of the Rising Fun. It seems like lots of you would like to see us cover games that won't be coming to the US at all. Also many of you requested reviews of GBA games since you can play Japanese games on your US GBA without any special modifications. I also got mail asking us to look at older games for systems like the Saturn and the Dreamcast. These are all great ideas and we can certainly do all of them. One of the ideas that seemed to come up a lot was a sort of import gaming 101 article. Lots of people avoid importing games simply because it's so damn confusing. What hardware will I need? How do I get a MOD chip? What the hell IS a MOD chip? I think this is a fantastic idea. In fact I would like to start collecting questions for it right now. If you ever had a question about importing games but you were afraid to ask please send it to me. The more questions I get the better this article is gonna be so please hook me up.

    I also want to make sure everyone knows that a feature like Land of the Rising Fun would not be possible without the support of videogamedepot.com. It is because of them that we are able to review these games for you. If you are excited about LOTRF please show your support for it by supporting the guys at videogamedepot.com.

    Next up on the list of games for Land of the Rising Fun is a look at Gundam Federation vs. Zeon for the Dreamcast. Tycho has this one right now and should have something for us next week. Word is this one might make it to the US PS2 at some point down the road but you'll never see it on a US Dreamcast.

    Confidential to Tycho: Try not to embarrass me on the radio tonight you dip shit.

    -Gabe out