Today's comic has plenty of words already, and as such does not require much of an investment on my part. Suffice it to say that it concerns idiots, briefcases, and Soldier of Fortune 2. When the illustrious Justice Cat called us pussies for using the crosshairs, I knew then that our race was doomed. No-one could possibly be smart enough to counteract that much stupid. So, Universe, it's been great being bipedal and everything, though I feel like I got fucked out of a grasping tail. All in all, I give existence an Eight.

Despite very clear instructions on how to post news properly on non-strip days, Gabe had to rub his monkey hands all over my beautiful machine. It turned out to be okay, and maybe just BSing on weekends will be something we do around here - but I wanted to add my take on the "boosting" issue he raised.

As I think we're all fairly clear on by now, Gabe is something of a pickypants. I showed him Counter-Strike so long ago that I don't remember when it was, and when he found out that you didn't come back after you died, he essentially lost interest. That seemed ridiculous to me, as that death element - and the tension associated with it - are the whole point. I wasn't dissuaded. I got him to play Front Line Force (fuck mod - this is one of the best games ever released) without much hassle, which introduced the "waiting to respawn" concept. Not long, now - a few seconds, tops. Then, Return to Castle Wolfenstein suggested that it was not uncommon to wait as long as a half a minute. Once that process had run its course, I got him to try Medal for one night - and the journey was complete. He'll never go back. He wants death - preferably, that of his opponents - to have ramifications. But he doesn't have the CS experience to look back on - experience that would show him that bitching on a server is some kind of universal constant, or that people can and will jump up on each other in some Cirque du Soleil type bullshit if they think it will help them kill you. That's really it. They want to kill you. And the game allows them to do it, so they do it - a "strat" or strategy instead of an out-and-out exploit. Where the line is between those, exactly, has always been a sort of ideological hinterland. This is not like a weapon balance issue, which I will equate (for the purposes of this discussion) to pieces on a game board. No, we're talking about the board itself - and if you deploy a technique that allows you to, in effect, go directly from the B&O Railroad to Boardwalk whenever you want, circumventing the intervening space, what is that? Is that you being, for lack of a better term, a cockmonger? Or that an example of gameplay that emerges, unforeseen, from the delicious nipple of human ingenuity? I guess I'd have to ask what the map maker intended. In the case of the one Gabe was complaining about in SoF2, I've done that. With any luck, he'll respond.

I can't seem to get to Pandora Networks right now, haven't really been able to since they posted the fifty-meg archive of our interview. I don't know why they're down, I don't think it's us, but you could probably do without it. I'm never authorizing another voice interview again. We are not superstars. We are fucking dorks. I sign up for this shit because I think I'm being polite. If you do get it for whatever reason, maybe you clicked on it by accident, bear the following in mind.

I cannot find the words to describe how humiliating it is for the person who is interviewing you to think you are someone else. I don't know if he got the mic turned off before I said "What the fuck was that," but now you know that I said it.

I describe the Internet as a junior high cafeteria where people engage each other in spiteful acts which are of no real consequence, referring specifically to the TribalWar "situation." That word is a bit grand to describe what happened. Just so you and I are clear, I said mean things (in the interview and elsewhere) because I enjoy saying mean things. I don't actually care about TribalWar, I only stretched out my commentary on the "situation" because I thought it would enrage them.

You may detect a point in the interview where I come to a realization regarding the Tribes 2/Fast Attack thing. It's that people who play the game competitively are actually looking for a different game, with modified parameters. The speed of Tribes 2 might not be the best context for ladder play, but it's sure as shit better for public servers, and whether a Retail Game should be catered specifically toward the percentage of players who compete in organized tournaments is another question altogether.

I ended the interview by asking if they needed a DJ, after Gabe had already left to play SoF2 with Kiko, Kara, and Jew. Those of you who have been with us a while know that I used to run an audio station here, with a playlist that I really enjoyed - but what I really wanted to run was live shows. This seemed like a good angle into that. Gabe called me up Sunday night and told me they were on our forum, talking about how he and I were going to do a weekly show, there might be money involved, and whatever else. I never discussed that any of that with anybody. So, now it's off. Batjew and I are going to do it ourselves. It's been a pleasure not doing business with you.

We're still looking for companies to advertise their FABULOUS PRODUCTS on Penny Arcade for next month, so if you've been, you know, just holding off on contacting us please stop doing that. We need you to contact us right away, in fact!

(CW)TB out.

doing nothing but aging

For the discriminating hypertext enthusiast.

The Brick Testament: I originally called this site "reverent," which is actually true by and large for the content. Some of them are maybe not so reverent, and from now on, I will look at every image hosted on a site before I come to a comclusion.

True Combat: There are those whose craving for realism does not end with reality, seeking it out in detailed simulations, about which they are very picky. If that sounds like you, I think these guys have your number.

Rainbow Six: Raven Shield: I never got into the R6 series, not because I was explicitly con, I was just never pro. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it. It's a shame, because apparently the series has some of the best co-op around. Anyhow, I'm really intrigued by what I've read so far - incremental opening of doors and windows, snipers as remote "intelligence" agents, etc. Hot damn.

Free LOTR CCG Decks: With all the CCG talk around here lately, it's almost like Jim never moved out. Regardless, I was directed to these deck files which might be of some enjoyment to you.

Game Warlords: Might be up your alley. These cats have a few Premier (i.e., "you have to buy them") games in the works, but in the short term they've got a couple freeware jobbies that might energize your hull plating.

Bruce Campbell Interview: The well-mannered young men from Lethal Death directed me toward their chat with Mr. Campbell. Gabe and I saw Bruce at E3 two years ago, actually. He was signing shit for people in a Hawaiian print shirt that was so loud I'm surprised he wasn't arrested. We were too nervous to get in line and talk to him, so we stood behind him kinda and just stared.

Also, a brief note for those who live in Seattle or thereabouts: It's not new new, but there's a playing area/game shop over in the U District I haven't been to yet called Cardhaus Games. It's on 4701 Roosevelt Way NE, and with this Warhammer 40k CCG addiction I'm trying to develop I'll probably be spending some time there.

(CW)TB

I've never felt it was proper (or possible, really) to speak with familiarity and sincerity regarding the passing of this celebrity or that celebrity. I do, however, enjoy telling stories.

It is critical to note that I literally loved the Lord all the way up until seventeen, engaged in a fair bit of Xenoglossia, and generally felt very guilty almost all the time. For many years afterward, I basically blamed everything on God, which was great because God never argued back. I won by default.

Riding the bus from Spokane to Seattle, I was seated across the way from a girl about my age, who was seated next to a girl her age. A discussion ensued. Ordinarily, extemporaneous conversations with strangers - let alone strangers who are also cute girls - constricted every muscle in my body, but they made it easy by laughing at almost everything I said. I tried not to think about why (Am I being funny? Am I being inane?), but it so happened that one of them left a seat open, and it was indicated that I was to take this seat. It would have been rude not to take it, I thought to myself. Also, she smelled like some impossible fruit.

She offered me her headphones when I told her I'd never heard of "Alice In Chains," which was apparently very big where she lived. Even the name seemed somehow illicit. I'd never heard anything like it, because I wasn't allowed to listen to the radio or watch the devil's Music Television. When I heard a haunted voice sing:

can you save my eyes?
can you sew them shut?

I was horrified, I'd never heard anything like that. It was about to get worse.

jesus christ
deny your maker

I'm being honest with you: I didn't realize you could say something like that and not be struck dead where you stood. That song altered the fundamental properties of nature.

(CW)TB

I just got this from Brad Grier over at BioWare:

You've asked for it, now you've got it!

Neverwinter Nights limited open Beta Test announced. Select fans and members of the public play Neverwinter Nights early!

EDMONTON, Alberta, Canada - April 22nd, 2002 - BioWare Corp. and Infogrames Inc. are pleased to present the limited open Beta test for one of the most anticipated PC games of the year - Neverwinter Nights. Selected PC game fans will have an unprecedented opportunity to dig into the rich world of Neverwinter Nights before anyone else.

"Neverwinter Nights will appeal to all types of gamers. This limited beta test will allow selected gamers, of every type and interest, an opportunity to find out why Neverwinter Nights is a ‘must own’ addition to every gamer’s collection," said Greg Zeschuk, Joint CEO and Co-Executive Producer of Neverwinter Nights. "We’ve never conducted an open beta test before," added Ray Muzyka, BioWare’s Joint CEO and Co-Executive Producer of Neverwinter Nights. "We’ll be testing module designs, connectivity, and other technical aspects of the game, as well as offering the growing Neverwinter Nights community a snapshot of what we’ ve been working on at BioWare these last five years," he concluded.

To enter the Beta test program, prospective testers must visit (http://www.betatests.net/), click on "Register Now" and complete the sign-up form. BioWare and Infogrames staff will select beta testers every week in a rolling acceptance process. The initial wave of Beta discs will be sent to the lucky first testers in early May.

I am absolutely in love with the Soldier of Fortune 2 multiplayer test. My favorite part of the game is setting people on fire with the incendiary grenades. There is nothing quite as satisfying as slow roasting a terrorist. It’s only fitting that I spend most of my time defending the briefcase from attacks through the kitchen. I only wish I could add an apron to my player model and maybe one of those fancy chef hats.

Tycho said pretty much everything I wanted to say about the radio interview. It’s incredibly embarrassing to have the person interviewing you not know who you are. I’m not saying everyone should know who I am but he did ask to interview us. He could have at least looked at the website. Oh well.

I would like to ask that you continue to send me your questions about import gaming for our import gaming 101 feature. The more questions I get from you the better it will be. Oh, and just so you know I will not be answering these by myself. I will be taking your questions along with some of my own, right to the experts.

Speaking of imports I am playing Kingdom Hearts right now. I plan on having my impressions of it up by the end of the week. It looks like it is set for an October release here in the US. I'll let you know if it's worth importing before then.

I am working on something extra special for next month's Club PA gift. I don't want to give away too much but I will give you a hint. There are Penny Arcade comics that you have never seen. That's all I'm gonna say for right now. There is still plenty of time to get this month's gift as well if you have not done so already. Members this month got parts two and three of our behind the scenes look at Penny Arcade. Part two covered how I color the comic and part three showed how I make the backgrounds.

King of Fighters online?

-Gabe out

Clem Samson-Samuel, warped map genius and sovereign of the bottomless pit, took time out from SoF2 to mail me back, which is very much appreciated. What's his take on Das Boost? Read on, true believers...

Yes, I am the one who made that MP map, but I tried to keep a objective opinion in my plan update. :) In any case I am glad you like the map. As I said and you seem to agree, the fun is in the flow and not the look of the map. In truth the map had more detail before, but I had to rip a lot of it out to make it run smoother ... funny since it always ran fine on my p2 450
:-/

Well I guess it worked out for the best since I haven't heard anyone (expect maybe Voodo card people) have problems with the map. It was gut renching to take out all the detail, but it needed to be done.

In regards to you question 'boosting' in my opinion is a form a gameplay. Personally in a team environment I like to encourage boosting as long as it isn't unbalancing. In some ways you can say the same thing about crouch jumping, because it can get you to places that you normally couldn't get to and again I like that. For example in the Shop there are several locations that I purposely made to allow the player to use the environment. The patio boosting is just one example, although we never internally tested it enough to see how unbalancing it is. I never thought it would be too bad because there are draw backs to doing it. There are other locations you can get to, but I didn't know exit.

That lays it out pretty clearly. The game is designed with this in mind, so tactics need to reflect that a tight offensive team (hardened by clan play) is going to get your briefcase and get back to the chopper in ten seconds. That means you're either covering the ledge over the cubicle room with incendiaries, or you never let the bastards touch it to begin with.

(CW)TB

I got a press release in my e-mail today from a company called Wild Things. Maybe you guys over in the UK know about them but I had never heard of them before. I guess they are coming out with a bunch of new Game Cube accessories. Normally that isn't something I would feel the need to post about but their GC organizer actually looks really cool.

Here is the rest of the press release for our readers in Europe just in case you are interested.

-Gabe out

Wild Things Confirms Starting Line Up For It's Game Cube Range

Monday 22nd April 2002.... Wild Things, the leading manufacturer of computer and video games accessories and peripherals, today confirmed the starting line up of it's Game Cube range.

From launch and throughout May, the company will unleash the most comprehensive range of GCN accessories available. Initially, 18 SKU's will be launched in black and indigo.

Howard Jacobson, Wild Things Managing Director said "We believe that our new range of GCN accessories will place Wild Things at the forefront of gaming add-ons for the new system, not only in the UK, but across a number of territories. Our comprehensive range includes pads, memory cards, stands and carry cases. All will provide the best quality experience at competitive prices and are compatible with current and future games"