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Tycho

Gabriel, as a rule, is not in the business of liking things.  I suppose it was only a matter of time from his initial, uncharacteristic fascination to the unceremonious sloughing off, but this is not an activity without historical synonym.  In case you are wondering, yes.  For breakfast, I just tear pages out of the Thesaurus and eat them. 

I linked over to Safety Monkey’s assessment of MoO3 yesterday because it said absolutely everything there is to know, and then a substantial portion that is not relevant to the simulation of galactic empires as such.  Then, as happens virtually every time I link there, his server was annihilated - and now, not only is there nothing to see over there, I didn’t write anything here because there was no reason to.  I should probably touch on the subject.

MoO3 is awesome.  Now, the qualifications.

  • I have about fifteen hours under my belt, and I’ll be direct with you and say that for the first few hours I thought the game would drive me mad.  People who have kept their Strategy Cortex well maintained on other massive management games might have an easier time with it, but this is not a “game” in the classic sense so much as it is an “application.”  It is an interface designed to ease the management of a star empire.  Once you learn that, the rest is easy.

  • Part of what makes the initial hours so overwhelming is that the “tutorial” such as it is isn’t all that great.  It consists of a verbose series of tooltips that are activated when you see a screen for the first time, and that block of text alongside this dense, intricate screen you’ve never seen before is like a one-two punch.  I took those off almost immediately.  Something else I did was grab the Prima Strategy Guide, something I don’t do, but after the first time I played it I sat down with the guide and answered all of my questions before I went back in.  That is correct, I actively studied it like one would a textbook.

  • Here’s the thing, and I think this is important.  I’m telling you that it’s complex because I remember it being complex.  Now, when I look back, I try to figure out what I thought was so weird about it.  All the data is up front where you can see it, there’s a handy encyclopedia built in, I honestly don’t know how else they could have done the game proper.  The issue is that there is so Goddamn much information that you need to acclimate yourself to it.  What’s more, though you could run your entire empire manually, even down to zoning individual regions of individual worlds for commerce, agriculture and the like, you certainly don’t have to.  Though there is a lot to do, literally anyone could play it if they wanted to, because of the Viceroy.  Every world has certain aptitudes, and there is a virtual man on each planet that will handle all of the development, thank you very much.  If you want him to handle it, but you still want a say, you can - no shit - set policies that guide the Viceroys.  God, I love the word Viceroy.  You can say, “I want my core worlds to focus on mining, research and agriculture in that order, I want the worlds on my borders to focus on defense and mining.”  You never need to think about it again, if you don’t want to.

  • I think Quicksilver has balls.  Balls, balls, and more balls.  Balls of varying sizes, a collection of balls throughout the ages that look nice on the mantelpiece.  This is the sort of game that gave the PC its reputation for depth of strategy.  My secret fear is that the wide cross section of humans no longer desire a game like this, but I hope that retail is good to Master of Orion 3.

  • Visually, we are talking about some four-eighty-six type shit.  Obviously that doesn’t make it bad, but listen to me here.  It is like a test from some wily and unpredictable gaming God, to see if you really mean it when you say that gameplay is all you care about.

I keep trying to get my mitts on that Goddamn 3DMark 03, to no avail.  Though it is supposedly some kind of benchmarking utility, I’ve only ever used it for that purpose on the rarest of occasions, when my hardware geek nature takes the fore.  The rest of the time, the 3DMark app is like a wonderful fantasyland projecting where in-game graphics may someday frolic.  I understand that the team behind 3DMark is largely comprised of people from the “demo scene,” which is obvious once you’ve seen it.  In the C64 era, the demo introductions on pirated software were often more amusing, to say nothing for better produced, than the games elsewhere on the floppy.

(CW)TB out.

sequestering the blueprints of daily life

Gabe

Here are some pictures from the Seattle Comic Con last weekend. Thanks to everyone who stopped by. We had a blast and we are really looking forward to hitting some more cons this year.

I am going to try and pick up CVS 2 for the Xbox today. Look for me on Live later if you want to get your street fighter on.

-Gabe out

Gabe

I would like to invite anyone who has a game, or anything really that you think would be a good fit for Penny Arcade to contact our ad man and see if we can’t work something out. We’ve had everything from web comics to Grand Theft Auto in that slot over there and so far everyone’s been happy with the results. We don’t do flash ads or pop ups or any of that crap and we don’t put anything up there unless we honestly think it’s worth promoting. So send our man Robert an e-mail if you’re interested.

Incase you are wondering why we no longer handle the deal making ourselves it’s because we are fucking idiots. The first lady I talked to about advertising handed me my ass. I think we ended up actually paying THEM to advertise with US, and I had to wash her car. After that we realized we needed a third party to handle that sort of thing and we would just concentrate on making the funny pictures.

-Gabe out

Tycho

You might have noticed our cerulean reptile there on the right.  The reptile in question is meant to draw your attention to the Ubercon event, taking place this very weekend.

Being around three thousand miles away, I think I’ll probably wait for their Seattle event - but readers on the east cost of my nation would do well to consider it.  Virtually every avenue of Geek Studies is represented.

(CW)TB

Tycho

We’ve been waiting for a game to bring everybody back into a nightly FPS, and I was sort of hoping that Enemy Territory would do it.  I was curious about co-op play in the single-player component, but that probably goes without saying.

We played and played and played and played Return To Castle Wolfenstein, as I would imagine many other people did.  Typically some other game steps in and makes the romance fade somewhat, but we actually played RTCW until we couldn’t stand to look at it anymore.  A new class and “campaign” style play - multiple, connected matches with persistent character experience - well, that scratches where I itch.

I might have been interested in the single player, but its cancellation won’t affect me overmuch - especially if they do as they claim they will, and give us the multiplayer portion as a free download.  Pretty classy of them.  The new levels and resources look pretty sharp from what I’ve seen.

(CW)TB

Tycho

Gabe’s thinking about taking back that Capcom vs. SNK 2 EO Mega what’s-it-called.  I guess it really got his knickers in a twist.

(CW)TB

Gabe

Been playing a bit of CVS 2 today…

I really don’t know what to make of it. The online component of the game was obviously what I was most excited about. The first thing I noticed when I went to the network option was that it has got to have the worst menu ever. I swear it looks like you accidentally accessed the bios or something. The whole matchmaking process looks like absolute crap. This seems to be a common problem with the Live games I have played. Are developers just not spending any time on this section?


Once you actually get into a game there is the issue of lag. And oh boy is there ever lag. Every game I played suffered from some degree of it and a few were so bad that the game was totally unplayable. At first I thought maybe it was because I was playing people on the other side of the country but then I played with a buddy who was local and it was like a fucking slide show.

Then there is the problem of the controller. It blows. You really do need a fighting stick if you want to invest some serious time in this game. 

My problem is that I really love the game. Sure it’s old and it looks like shit but Goddamnit I love it.  But the combination of terrible matchmaking, unexplainable Lag and shitty controller has actually got me thinking about returning it tomorrow. Hmmmm.

Has anyone had any experience with these X-Arcade sticks? Or the MAS sticks? I’m wondering if a nice fighting stick might help. It won’t solve the lag issues but maybe that will work itself out. I don’t know, I want to like it I really do.

Why is this so hard.This seemed like a sure thing.

-Gabe out

Gabe

I keep playing it. I wasn’t getting as much lag tonight which was cool. I turned off the background music. I don’t know if that is what fixed it but it may have helped.

It’s really hard to go back to CVS 2 after playing Guilty Gear XX. GG looks about a hojillion times better and I think it plays better too. None of this “ism” shit and no grooves.  Just Well balanced well designed characters and fast paced gameplay.

I know Sammy has announced an online version of GG for Japan but I haven’t seen anything about a US release. I guess all we can do is pray.

Until then I guess I’ll keep playing CVS 2. I’m not gonna return it…I guess. I’ll try and pick up a fighting stick this week, that should help…God I wish it was better. 

For those of you unsure about getting it let me give you a sneak peek at what awaits you. First you will get online and join a game. Then the person you are playing will select Ryu, Sagat and Akuma. He will then proceed to hand you your ass all the while saying things like “That’s it bitch, suck it!” and “See what I gots for ya bitch!” Then the match will end and he will tell you to eat a dick.

-Gabe out

Tycho

I’ve tried for the last half an hour to get the strip uploaded, I don’t know what the deal is but I’m just not going to mess with it anymore.  The strip for this Friday - “Welcome Back To Exaggeration Theatre” - can be found here.  I’ll play around with trying to upload it when I’m not so frustrated.

(CW)TB