Before we were derailed by David Horsey, we had it as our intention to detail what a criminal act it is that Freaky Flyers lacks Internet play. Oh, I know what you’re saying. “Freaky Flyers…” You knit your brow. You’ve heard that Midway was doing some sort of flying race game, and you have scrupulously avoided any contact with it for fear that its mediocrity might somehow be virulent. I bet Gabe that it would be terrible, and it wasn’t, so now I have to fuck a dog. It was a stupid bet, and I should never have agreed to it. But I had no reason to believe that an off-brand flying racer would be enjoyable, or that the parts they meant to be funny actually would be.
When I smarted off about Counter-Strike a few posts ago, wondering aloud why people would still play it and raising dark questions about their heritage, it was (of course) only a matter of time before I began playing it again nightly. I don’t know how I expect to be an Internet demagogue when I consistently fail to take my own advice. I’ve lost my Half-Life again, and I’ve bought it more times than I can remember, so I wasn’t going to do that. Valve’s “Steam” content delivery service has CS 1.6 on there, and I had been meaning to check it out anyway, so hey. I’d used it before, a while ago, and it appears to have matured a bit since then. It’s nothing you have to pay for at this point - but I’m swiping my card feverishly at the air in anticipation. The concept of buying games that are delivered to me digitally while I chew the ice from my Whiskey Sour is something I have great passion for, and I have never shared the mania that associates a physical object with my Game Experience. I was overjoyed by Stardock’s brilliant “Stardock Central” app, which allowed me to download their latest games with such elegance that I check it daily for updates. Also, I believe that it emits an inaudible tone that subverts my will. In any case, try out Steam if you never did, and if you’ve been out of CS for a few years like I have, just jump back in with both feet. It’s like riding a bike while you fire a submachine gun at international police.
I’ve been sort of sick of Internet Explorer for a while, so I’ve been spinning the chamber in a deadly game of Browser Roulette. I spent some time with the newest Mozilla, which was fine, though I always did prefer the lighter Firebird. Went back to Opera for a bit, and found it well, but the grim realities of IE’s browser hegemony began to set in when I tried to use services like BuyMusic, which I found to be excellent, but if you’re not using you some Internet Explorer they’re simply not interested in your business. That’s when it basically hit me that I didn’t want a new browser, not really, I just wanted IE to act more like a piece of modern fucking software. You know, block pop-ups and browse in tabs and do some year 2003 type shit. All I can say is Thank God For Avant Browser, which has brought some welcome sanity to my Internet usage. It’s essentially a shell for IE, so you get all the compatibility you miss out on with other software - without sacrificing the sensible additions that browser evolution has wrought.
I certainly hope you haven’t mailed me the last couple days, because my Internet only just came back on - if you’ve tried to correspond, you probably got a whole lot of nothing. I’ll turn it back on Thursday morning, when I will be more than happy to talk to you about that pipebomb Jesus told you to send me.
Yes, that’s from a real mail.
you’re not part of it yet