I went to Taco Bell last night and I was shocked at what I discovered. I understand that it is their policy to mess up my order. I expect now that what I ask for is never what will actually end up in my bag. It turns out that simply forgetting your burrito or shorting you a taco is no longer good enough for these sons of bitches though. Now they have decided that they needed to replace their awesome mexi-fries with new shitty fiesta fries. No more delicious and authentic seasoned tater treats. No sir, now you get disgusting little potato wedges fried in salt and sweat. I noticed something was wrong a few months ago when their combo meals no longer included mexi-fries. They tried to pawn off some shitty taco in their place but I would have none of that. “Fuck your taco bitch, I want my fries!” is what I was often heard to say. Now it’s obvious that their removal from the combo meals was simply a precursor to a much larger mexi-fri conspiracy. They are now missing entirely from the menu and every bit of evidence that proved they ever existed has been meticulously removed and probably destroyed. Did those filthy Taco Bell bastards really think I would simply forget how much I liked mexi-fries? Its bullshit like this that makes me worry about bringing a child into the world. These are dark times indeed.
Oh, they also got some new exclusive drink called Mountain Dew Baja Blast. If you are curious what this stuff tastes like, simply drink a bottle of Scope.