On the strength of Uwe Boll's truly stupendous House Of The Dead movie, it's no surprise that he was entrusted with the rights to Fear Effect, Far Cry, Bloodrayne, and Dungeon Siege. Far Cry consciously emulates big-budget, Bruckheimer style action films, so somebody making a movie out of it doesn't startle. I don't hesitate for a moment when I say that a Fear Effect movie could be something striking indeed, a worthy candidate for conversion to animation specifically. In the right hands, even Bloodrayne - a game where a vampire dominatrix battles Nazi legions - I mean, I can conceive of a mental state where watching (or, indeed, creating) such a film would not result in injury. But Dungeon Siege? Put aside the fact that this director isn't capable of communicating with film - what, precisely, would this movie be about?

Dungeon Siege is certainly not unique among videogames for having a story that is either irrelevant or virtually nonexistent, and I don't pretend that this is some a grand revelation or even mean it to be some kind of attack on the game. John Carmack once said that story in a game is like story in a porn movie, in that you expect it to be there but it's not that important. For many genres, you can't really argue this point. As I fired upon waves of spacefaring insects in Galaga, I did not stop to wonder why I was doing that. I did not take a moment to consider whether or not those creatures hailed from a world called Galaga, or if individually they would be called a Galag and Galaga referred to the plural. Many action or platform games do not require stories in order for them to be satisfactory game experiences.

For an interesting counterpoint, and there are many, I would direct you to Silent Hill 2. Very few of the games I play ever cause me to really think about how I would react to the long-term, wasting illness of my spouse. I'm never eating a row of dots and then I'm like, oh right, cancer. However, were you to excise the story from Silent Hill 2, you would be removing practically every good thing. As a game, as a sequence of situations which require input at interval from the player, it's hardly worth talking about. The only thing that buoys that game above dreary, mechanical muck is the frightening concepts it presents. So, is Silent Hill 2 not a good game, in the classic sense? I guess it's a definition problem. It seems more likely that the word has evolved to encompass new types of interactive experiences.

The article I got that Carmack quote from makes a point that I would make if they hadn't already done it - if the author of a game does not explicitly create a story, even in a case like Carmack's where they are profoundly ambivalent about the fiction that establishes a game universe, the player will make sense of the game events and produce a narrative to occupy the vacuum. That's all true, I'm sure you could relate to me an experience where you'd done that. However, I'm not prepared to do that in a movie theater.

I will be polite and keep my raving about (site sponsor) Puzzle Pirates to a minimum.

It's tremendously appealing, it's Massive, and it's also multiplatform so don't shy away if you're visiting on OSX or Linux. You do what pirates do: drink, carouse, draw swords, sail, and pillage other vessels - except each of these activities manifests itself in-game as a different puzzle. Pirate ships are crewed by entire groups of active player characters, each one with their own jobs, working together to rob other ships full of players trying to do the same thing. Like A Tale In The Desert, it's such an original concept that it almost defies characterization.

(CW)TB out.

the rent's well worth him

It won't let me upload the strip in the civilized, normal person way, so let me just put a link directly to the file here and call it good.

(CW)TB

There's a couple things I neglected to mention.

One, tomorrow we fly to New Jersey for the Ubercon event. I've been to anime conventions and comic conventions, but I've never had a chance to attend a pure gaming convention. It's always been my fantasy to attend GenCon some year, I'm sure Gabe would hate it, might have to fly solo on that one. Also, I've never been to that part of my country, Brenna mentioned yesterday that it's important to keep money on you at all times so that if someone mugs you you have something to give them. Great.

Two, Ramius turned me on to this Mario Brothers flash series that struck me as really profound for some reason. Check it out, here's parts one, two, and three - these are the only completed ones, at least, that I know of.

Finally, there is a Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow event you might enjoy, it's a chance to play the multiplayer portion of the game before release on a movie screen in New York or LA. I know a lot about the way multiplayer works because of this comic we're doing for the game, but I'm fairly certain they'd castrate me if I told you anything. Suffice it to say, you would probably like to see this shit when they unveil it. You could have entered at Xbox.com if I had been faster on the draw, but now your choices are either to enter as an IGN Insider (which you might already be) or enter over at GameStop. Up to you.

(CW)TB

You might remember that on Monday we said that Tim Roberts, CEO of Infinium Labs can’t have an orgasm unless he kills a dog. Well apparently Tim felt compelled to respond to our comic on the Infinium Labs?EForum. The thread has since been deleted but a quick thinking PA fan was smart enough to grab a screen shot of Tim’s post. Here it is in all its glory:

So Tim thinks we did that comic strip to get more traffic driven to our site. That’s a nice thought Tim but you’re way off. You see unlike Infinium Labs and your doomed console, Penny Arcade is successful. How can I say this without sounding like an asshole? Penny Arcade has more readers in a given second than your site will ever have even if it were to sit and rot on the internet until time ends and the universe implodes. Hmmm, I guess I can’t.

Tim also says we called him to let him know it’s all in fun. This again is bullshit. I don't care if he likes the comic or not. I've certainly never called the guy and I have no intention of doing so.

Bottom line, the guy is a lying huckster. I guess he figured he could post that on his forum and we’d never see it. This proves he has no concept of how huge PA is. Penny Arcade isn’t just a comic and a news post Tim, PA is a community and we have agents everywhere. Chances are they’re watching you even now.

-Gabe out

I’m sort of excited about the flight tomorrow. Normally the prospect of a six our plane ride would get me pretty anxious. However this time I have a secret weapon on my side to help battle my paranoia. Drugs! I was given a prescription for Ativan before a recent dentist appointment and I still have one of the two tablets given to me. I gotta say this I was blown away by how much the Ativan helped with my anxiety. It didn’t just help, it got rid of it entirely. In its place was a carefree feeling of contentment with just a hint of drowsiness. I sat there in the car while Kara drove me to the dentist marveling at my new found easy-going demeanor. I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, is this what normal humans feel like??E

Obviously I don’t intend to take the drug on a regular basis. I’m pretty sure that my creativity is directly linked to my anxiety. The way my brain currently handles uncomfortable or scary situations is to make jokes. I guess that since I now make a living off of those jokes I should probably keep away from mind altering drugs. Tomorrow though I’ll take my last pill and enjoy my flight to New Jersey.

-Gabe out

I was always really curious about this space sim, as it purportedly contained all genres. Never did get around to buying it, which makes me appreciate the demo they released today even more.

I saw it mentioned over at EvilAvatar, which was (blessedly) back up today. I really don't know what to do when that site is down. Going over to Blue's News would have been like drinking unboiled urine - there is a threshold of desperation that needs to be reached before you take such drastic measures, and I simply hadn't arrived yet.

(CW)TB