Penny Arcade

We think of the things we do here as extremely ridiculous.

So, for example, if we should tell you that we have purchased exclusive rights to create comics based on videogames, and I bolster this point in the post instead of deflecting it, to us the notion is so preposterous on the face of it that no-one could come away with the wrong impression.

Also, “Gabriel” and I do fight sometimes - but it’s more about the role of religious faith in modern society, and not about whether or not Scott Kurtz has been nominated for an award of some kind.  But I liked writing as though it were the case - I thought that ambiguity was tantalizing.  Still fundamentally ridiculous, still basically impossible to believe, but playing along with our own storyline was a lot of fun.

You probably know where this is going.

It’s pretty flattering to think that Dr. Raven Darktalon Blood would be made into a feature film.  I can also tell you with absolute assurance that Penny Arcade will never see that kind of success.  The idea that filming would begin two days after we announced it does seem odd to me, but if I’m there in the post telling you I’m flying somewhere, it’s only because I want to back up the comic with odd facts and revelations that create doubt as to whether the whole thing is a joke.  Which it is, most assuredly.  So if I were to post a comic today, done in the inimitable style of Harry Knowles, that might have broken the spell - but I’m honestly not sure.  Mike did a sort of casting call which we felt was pretty over the top, and all it got him was warm congratulations on his astute selection of Donnie Wahlberg. When he suggested that the New Kids On Block should endure forever, i.e. “Hang Tough,” certainly this would give the game away!  It did not.

I can’t really blame people for taking to heart the things I write in this space, things for them to read and believe.  I was trying to heighten it somewhat and apparently it worked, at least for some.  But adding comic information out here in the “clean zone” of the post is indistinguishable from lying to you, and I’m sorry.

(CW)TB out.

E3 is fast approaching and we will of course be there. Last year Ubisoft was kind enough to offer us a portion of their booth for the purpose of meeting our fans. They’ve made us the same offer again this year and we’d be crazy not to take it. Those of you who have tried to see us at E3 will remember that before we had booth space security would just kick us all out onto the street. I have to admit that the line system we pioneered last year is far superior to the crushing mob seen in years past.

So if you’re going to E3 this year you can find us on Thursday and Friday at the Ubi Soft booth from 2 to 3. We have five hundred comic books to give away this year. Last year we had two hundred to give away and they were gone super quick. This time we will give away two hundred and fifty comic books each day. It’s a very nice full color book featuring our Brothers in Arms comic as well as our Spy Training Manual. I have a picture of the cover here:

Last year on my way to the booth the first day I saw a huge line and since I was no where near the Ubi booth it didn’t even occur to me that the line could be for Penny Arcade. So I got in it figuring it had to be something pretty awesome. After about ten minutes I asked the guys in front of me what we were in line for and they said “you.” That was disconcerting. I was at this point pretty nervous and so I made a bee line for the bathroom in order to splash some water in my face. I was so fucking out of it though that I actually walked right into the ladies restroom. I stood there for a few seconds as my brain frantically tried to process what I was seeing. Why is everything pink? Where are the urinals? Why is that woman yelling at me?

I’ll try to be more professional this year.

-Gabe out :o:

I played quite a bit of Hot Shots over the weekend on my PSP and I really like it. Tycho just downloaded a save file from the internet and immediately had access to all the courses and gear. I on the other hand decided to earn my content the old fashioned way…I wasted my entire weekend paying golf on my PSP.

It’s worth mentioning that this game gets really fucking hard pretty quick. I blew through the first set of challenges and unlocked the second course only to hit a wall. Once you have that new course opened up they really want you to master some of the more difficult types of shots. Pars just don’t cut it anymore. Not to mention the fact that the course don’t just get more difficult, they get down right diabolical. I’m talking about a topography inspired by the jagged cliffs of hell. There are no rolling hills to gently guide your ball towards a wide and welcoming green. Instead you are faced with tortured spires of rock that clutch impenetrable greens in a tight fist of bunkers. To breach these defenses and come away with anything less that a triple bogey you’ll need to learn and master every shot in the game.

The upside is that success feels real good. I actually screamed and flipped off one computer opponent after an especially difficult round that ended up going eight holes into sudden death. I’m excited for the plane ride down to E3 as those flights are always full of local geeks making the same pilgrimage. I’m hoping to find myself on a plane with some fellow Hot Shot enthusiasts so that we can get some bigger games going. Over all it’s another solid game for the PSP. Unless you really hate yourself I recommend just grabbing a save game off the intertron and getting immediate access to all the courses.

I also picked up Stella Deus last week and tired that out. Honestly it’s a great tactical strategy RPG. The problem is that you can’t play a game in that genre without comparing it to Phantom Brave or Disgaea and when you do that everything else can’t help but come up just a bit short. It’s fun and full of great art but Nippon Ichi has taken those games to such a crazy place that if I just place a guy on the map instead of placing him in any one of a hundred different objects that each have different stat modifiers and then remain with the character to become weapons that also level up alongside the character and that I can actually travel into and fight through thousands of levels in order to unlock new abilities then I’m just bored.I mean take a look at the overview for their new RPG Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana. Does that make any sense to you? Sea Urchin? That’s going to be some crazy shit.

If you’re starved for a game in this genre then I’d say grab Stella Deus. It’s got a solid story and some really great artwork.

-Gabe out :o:

I guess I shouldn’t assume you’ve all seen this stuff, so let me provide some links:  here’s a shot of what looks like an E3 kiosk for the new system, and here’s a shot (also from Engadget) of a wireless controller.  You have, of course, heard that this controller will work with the next version of Windows.  There are some things you might not have heard about it.

Here’s another shot of an Xbox controller with a cord on it and no large, round button in the center - this is (I believe) some kind of ergonomic test version for the general shape.  Even though they’re both white, the “black” and white buttons have been moved up to the shoulders to compliment the (by now) standard triggers.  Back and start also on the face to either side of the mysterious button in the middle. 

Let’s talk about that mysterious button.

Of course, in this picture we can also see the jack in the bottom, which (it seems clear to me) is the headphone jack for the headset, which implies that the controller itself includes all that logic internal to it.  No pucks, at least that’s my guess, and no need for top slots on the controller with the memory cards being inserted directly into the machine.  Back to the magic button thing:  you can see numbers around the button very clearly, one through four, which I think is meant to nullify the one unwieldy element of the Wavebird - the goofy little knobs you turn to determine the channel.  It’s easy to imagine a light that illuminates the quadrant associated with the number when its in use.   

But the button.  Not a trackball, as we heard originally.  I’ll tell you what I think it does, based on how they do things and how other people have done things. 

On the Windows Media Center remote, there is a “Windows” button that returns you to their primary menu.  The PSP has one too, now - the “home” button - which returns you to the most fundamental state of the machine.  It’s a way to maintain the “brand” in the face of shifting content.  The Xbox has the “Dashboard,”  but you can’t get to it unless there’s no game in - but they never really pushed the Dashboard like Jay Allard pushed “The Guide,” the core experience of the Xbox 360, where you select playlists and manage shit.  I wonder how far this extends - read that article to understand why I might feel that way.  On several points they talk about liberating developers from having to manage things like user playlists   - will this fundamental UI handle all such functions?    Will you go there to manage friends or whatnot, in all games?

I will be very surprised if the system launches with a wireless controller actually in the retail box - you’ll always need a fallback position when you’re talking about batteries, and there’s a single port for a joystick right on there.  Eventually, I can see a “wireless pack” happening, but not at launch.

(CW)TB

Gamespot is saying that kiosk I mentioned is from the upcoming MTV special - and they have some different takes on things - I maintain that the jack on the bottom is for a headset, but I’m willing to give them the slots on the right and left of it being some kind of charging thing.  Anyway, they also wrap up a few of the other recent revelations/“leaks” etcetera, like customizable skins and so forth.  Worth a look.

(CW)TB

I picked up a new memory stick for my PSP over the weekend and I’ve been loading it with goodies. I’ve had a few requests for some special PSP packs with PA comics formatted for the PSP screen. I had some time today and so I whipped up a little Fruit Fucker pack. You can download it right here. Essentially it’s all the Fruit Fucker comics and I’ve taken the time to re-size them so they fit perfectly on the PSP screen. Check it out and let me know if this is cool. In the future we could release other packs like my favorite strips or Tycho’s or maybe a sort of readers top fifty or one hundred or whatever. Send me your thoughts.

-Gabe out :o:

Hit up this Engadget post (though I also saw it on Evil Avatar) for a fairly thorough accounting of the Xbox 360’s steaming guts.  I believe the current nomenclature is something like “These stats be off the chain!”

(CW)TB

I just remembered!  There is a way to find out exactly what sorts of things you would like us to make for the store.  I can just ask you!

(CW)TB

A few people mailed me to tell me that Lowtax over at SA was pretty upset with me for something I did five years ago. He has a little history of SA post that mentions the efront scandal that we were both caught up in. It’s true I was pretty pissed off at him back then but I had no idea he was still mad. Honestly I don’t have any hard feelings for the guy anymore. He made a decision back then that I thought was bullshit and I called him on it. Now looking back on the whole situation I honestly can’t blame him for it.

When efront went under, someone inside the company release the ICQ chat logs of the president Sam Jain. You can still find them if you do a search for “efront chat logs”. There’s a lot of material there and most of it’s pretty boring but they also explain exactly what went down back then. I pulled out some clips from the log to give you an idea of what the situation was.

So here we have Sam Jain the president and Will Bryant who also worked at efront. Essentially it was his job to interface with the webmasters. We had received a few checks from them and then the money just stopped coming in. They kept asking us to put more and more bullshit ads all over our page but we weren’t seeing any money. So I decided to be very public about what the situation was. I was in the efront forums trying to get the rest of the webmasters to revolt. So the conversation below is Sam and Will trying to figure out how to shut me up.

bryant   14/01/20 5:45 am Sorry back - seems one of the PA guys is
                      continuiing to shit on us in public - and is
                      being specific about myself and Jon in the
                      process.  Trying to diffuse that through the
                      other PA guy, but with no luck.

sam     14/01/20 5:46 am what do you recommend?

bryant   14/01/20 5:49 am I think we need a cease and desist letter from
                      the lawyers.

sam     14/01/20 5:49 am and shut their site down?

bryant   14/01/20 5:50 am I think that needs to go out as soon as
                      possible.  If he continues, I think we need to
                      take some action.

sam     14/01/20 5:50 am do you recommend shutting them down

sam     14/01/20 5:50 am to get their attention?

bryant   14/01/20 5:51 am No, I think we fire a warning shot with the
                      letter.  If that doesn’t work I think we come
                      down hard and furious in every way we can.

bryant   14/01/20 5:51 am If Mike manages to impair our ability to
                      operate we have legal recourse, but what good
                      does that do us if we go under because we miss
                      out on some big deal?

bryant   14/01/20 5:52 am Shutting them down now would just fuel the
                      fire.

bryant   14/01/20 5:52 am The letter gives him enough rope to either
                      hang himself, or climb off his soapbox.

sam     14/01/20 5:52 am do you have a sample cease & desist letter

sam     14/01/20 5:52 am i’d like to get it fired off today

sam     14/01/20 5:52 am im looking on my hard drive to see if i have
                      any

sam     14/01/20 5:52 am we put specific evidence, etc. and quote laws

sam     14/01/20 5:53 am and fire a warning shot..

sam     14/01/20 5:53 am and using his letter he sent us also as
                      evicence of breach

sam     14/01/20 5:53 am and violating our confidentialty policies

sam     14/01/20 5:53 am as well as defamation

bryant   14/01/20 5:54 am Yeah, we have to do something.  It needs to be
                      Mike ‘Gabe’ Krahulik to, and not Jerry ‘Tycho’
                      Parkinson.  Jerry isn’t being vocal.

sam     14/01/20 5:56 am im seeing if i can find a sample copy of a
                      generic c&d .. then we put specfics in there..
                      and fax it to him on efront letterhead

                   
                      and on the bottom we can do

                 
                      cc: Melody Dapp Williams,
                      [full title, esquire, etc.]

                     
                      that way it makes it seem intimidating that
                      the lawyer is ccd on it

sam     14/01/20 5:56 am and we can send it to our lawyer as well

sam     14/01/20 5:56 am but it brings more credibiilty

bryant   14/01/20 5:56 am Yeah.

sam     14/01/20 5:56 am and we order eerything to be ceased in 24
                      hours and retract everything they said

sam     14/01/20 5:56 am and delete their postings

sam     14/01/20 5:56 am or we will take action

sam     14/01/20 5:58 am do you guys wnat to prepare it and ill review
                      it then you can fax to him?

bryant   14/01/20 5:59 am Yeah, have a template?

sam     14/01/20 5:59 am still searching :)

bryant   14/01/20 6:03 am Is Greg writing a letter as well?  Or is that
                      the one Jerry is having me do the first draft
                      of?

sam     14/01/20 6:04 am oh thats probably you.. not sure who was doing
                      it

bryant   14/01/20 6:04 am ok cool - just wanted to make sure we weren’t
                      overlapping.

bryant   14/01/20 6:05 am These people kill me.  They’re so short
                      sighted and immature.  I’ve been trying to
                      talk sense to Tycho but I’m not sure I’m
                      gettomg anywhere.

bryant   14/01/20 6:10 am So naive.

bryant   14/01/20 6:11 am I might have talked some sense to Tycho.  I’m
                      going to watch the messageboards closely this
                      weekend to see if Gabe persists.  If he does,

sam     14/01/20 6:11 am http://www.creditmania.com/Letters/cease.htm

sam     14/01/20 6:12 am one sample :)

sam     14/01/20 6:12 am looking for more

bryant   14/01/20 6:12 am In the meantime, I’ve got a lot of issues that
                      I want to try and work into the letter to try
                      and diffuse all of this.  I don’t think pissed
                      of webmasters is the end of the world, but
                      better to have them on their backs wagging
                      their tails than snapping at us.

sam     14/01/20 6:12 am yes i agree

bryant   14/01/20 6:13 am Yeah, found some samples too.  I might also
                      call in a favor from some people I know at
                      Paul Hastings under the premise that his
                      actions are endangering my livelihood by means
                      of endangering eF.  If they’ll do it it will
                      be from eF, not from me so should work fine.
                      I hope they will, they’re some of the best.

bryant   14/01/20 6:15 am Some part of me is still carrying a Corps
                      mentality.  I keep thinking a rifle butt to
                      some kneecaps would solve all our problems.
                      Instant collections and quiet webmasters.  =)

sam     14/01/20 6:15 am i like that attitude :)

So here we have Tim Eckles who ran a site called Arcade at Home. It was a part of the efront network just like us. I’m honestly not sure whatever happened to him or if he still runs that site. Anyway, at the beginning there he is watching a message board that we all used to post to. I wasn’t supposed to talk about efront anymore and they were baiting me trying to get me to make a post. He’s talking to Sam here and says that he’d be happy to take over drawing Penny Arcade after they fire us. He even has some ideas for what the new strip will be like. This is a real treat to read.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:01 am COME ON GABE!!!! RESPOND!!!!! I gotta hear                       what you have to say!                      

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:02 am Heh sam     16/01/20 11:02 am heh

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:02 am You know how he was bitching about his                       contract?

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:02 am Scott is tempting him =)

sam     16/01/20 11:03 am yeah.. heh.. he better not:)

sam     16/01/20 11:03 am or we’ll take his stupid site.. and do the                       cartoons ourselves everyday and lock them out

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:03 am Heh I’ll do the cartoon =)

sam     16/01/20 11:03 am and make fun of the LAZY web-generation                       kiddies

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:03 am And totally trash it.

sam     16/01/20 11:03 am who just whine and complain

sam     16/01/20 11:04 am actually we’re allowed to do it already..                       wanna come up w/ a cartonn? we’ll post it on                       his site :)

sam     16/01/20 11:09 am actually we shouldve done that awhile ago when                       they started bitching..doing the stupid comix                       ourselves

sam     16/01/20 11:09 am they wouledve been pissed huh

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:10 am I know an artist that would probably love to                       do it. =)

sam     16/01/20 11:11 am iBLAMEj00 (ICQ#8906076) Wrote:                       I know an artist that would probably love to                       do it. =)                      

                                            [another options.. kick PA guys out and we can                       do the comics ourselves]

sam     16/01/20 11:11 am their email basically said they are not going                       to cooperate with us.. thereby they are in                       breach of the entire contract.. which means we                       fire them :)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:16 am So they don’t want to leave either?

sam     16/01/20 11:17 am http://www.penny-arcade.com/      

                                        well he said they are being evicted..and                       they’re violating the termination agreement                       already.. continuing to write about us                       indirectlye ven

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:18 am I read that already.  But, did they sign it?

sam     16/01/20 11:18 am no not yet.. but they promised jonathan they                       wouldnt talk about us anymore

sam     16/01/20 11:19 am my preference is to kick them out

sam     16/01/20 11:19 am and let your guy do the comics

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:19 am Heh, it would rule =)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:20 am But they would stiill whine and bitch.

sam     16/01/20 11:20 am at least they have to start a new site to                       whine about us :)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:21 am Let me see if she’s interested in doing a                       comic =)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:40 am Okay, artist is all lined up

sam     16/01/20 11:41 am do you have Will Bryant’s icq

sam     16/01/20 11:41 am he’s going to be dealing with PA guys

sam     16/01/20 11:41 am maybe use this as leverage?

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:41 am nope.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:49 am Okay, we’ve got an artist and the first comic                       already done.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:50 am bryant: Not yet, let me see what I can do.

sam     16/01/20 11:50 am first comic already done? geez :)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:50 am Heh, I don’t mean drawn, but the storyline is                       done.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:50 am Typical PA style.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:50 am thin on humor.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 11:51 am High on stupidity.

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 12:10 pm Will doesn’t want to play hard-ball with Penny                       Arcade =)

sam     16/01/20 12:10 pm im talking to him.. he wants to feel them                       out.. Jonathan had us sign an agreement w/ PA                       like 4 months ago giving them intellectual                       property rights stuff back..argh..  

                                          never have a geek tell you how to do business                       :)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 12:11 pm Heh.

sam     16/01/20 12:11 pm esp. ones who wear a T-shirt of the person                       you’re doing business with :)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 12:11 pm Still no problem, we will use different                       characters.

sam     16/01/20 12:11 pm btw, we’re accepting infospace.com’s                       investment proposal

sam     16/01/20 12:11 pm heh yeah :)

iBLAMEj00 16/01/20 12:12 pm “Small Penis Arcade”

sam     16/01/20 12:12 pm ha ha

So now here is where Lowtax comes in. What they want is for him to be on their side. They figure that among the rest of the webmasters Lowtax is pretty well respected and so if all of a sudden he starts talking about how great efront is the rest of us will just fall into line. They offer him the opportunity to work at efront and become a sort of corporate cheerleader. Now at this point Lowtax isn’t getting paid and he’s in a pretty tight spot just like the rest of us. I can’t blame him for making the decision that he thought would get him paid. Honestly his capitulation certainly had a better chance of earning him a check than my fight the power routine.

bryant   14/01/20 6:27 am Lowtax can help us without transparently being our                       puppet I suspect, and should be willing to do                       so.

sam     14/01/20 6:27 am yeah just talk to him.. tell him that we think                       he can be a good spokesperson for efront to                       the webmaster community and we want to                       completely prioritize him and make sure he’s                       taken care of

bryant   14/01/20 6:28 am Tim Eckles is taking a beating in the closed                       discussion groups though.  Gotta love the guy,                       he’s going toe to toe with people and trying                       to bring them down.

sam     14/01/20 6:28 am i know.. tim is awesome :)

sam     14/01/20 6:28 am im feeding him info and material :)

sam     14/01/20 6:28 am if we got SA on our side, then there’s more                       voice sam     14/01/20 6:29 am so thats why i was thinking forget the 13k..                       have a heart to heart with him.. does he                       really like what he’s doing? does he want to                       do it instead of getting a regular job? well                       we think there’s a way that can be done

sam     14/01/20 6:30 am and work something out with him where he can                       continue to do what he enjoys while we get                       what we want from him : revenue projects +                       pro-efront support 100% no matter what :)

sam     14/01/20 6:30 am this is truly like the corps huh :) strategy &                       intelligence to overthrow the opposition

bryant   14/01/20 6:31 am The salaried thing is something intriguing -                       pretty comfortable with that approach?  I’m                       thinking if we do that he’s instantly our                       “webmaster advocate”.  That could be painted                       as a real plus.  “We know you all are upset,                       we’re trying to be upfront with you but                       communications sometimes break down - so we’re                       appointing one of your own as the liaison for                       all concerns.

sam     14/01/20 6:31 am yeah.. but he also has to position for us

bryant   14/01/20 6:31 am Heh, it’s like the Corps, but even more like                       my old counterintelligence work.  As stressful                       as it can be, it’s also a lot of fun.

sam     14/01/20 6:32 am meaning in good times and bad times he has to                       stick together

bryant   14/01/20 6:32 am Well yeah, but obviously we wouldn’t position                       it that way to the webmasters.

sam     14/01/20 6:32 am and we’ll make sure he never gets evicted as                       long as we’re around :)

    There’s obviously a lot more in the logs but those are a few of the gems. Like I said this was all five years ago and at the time I was pretty upset about it. We were on the verge of loosing Penny Arcade and everything we had built. I remember when efront went bankrupt and Sam fled the country after being charged with tax evasion Tycho and I considered quitting PA. We had both quit our jobs during the few months we were receiving checks from efront. Now the money had dried up and we were unemployed.  We figured we had to quit PA and try and get our old jobs back.  

-Gabe out :o: