That was the longest we've been down, as opposed to merely inaccessible, for at least four years and I apologize for it. Hopefully the warmth and well being that accompanies each Penny Arcade update will soon flow free of obstructions. The move to the new equipment was one of the prerequisites for our new design, which has a much more efficient way of going about things. So, that is the "sausage making" portion of today's update. Delectable.

The group that wanted to make an excellent, consuming Star Fox: Assault game and the group that wanted to make one that was trite and offensive to refined sensibilities simply could not arrive at any kind of consensus. Thinking themselves imbued with the wisdom of Solomon, it was decided at an organizational coordinate higher than the conflict that both should be allowed to make their games, and they would be included on the same platter at retail, because all children are special and deserve love.

It turns our that neither of those is true in an absolute sense. Some babies are covered in chitin. You can't love a baby like that, not with the chitin on there. Some babies are just a tangle of greasy black hair. Wash it, and the "baby" disappears. I think I've made my point. Oh! There is a baby out there who is basically just like Magic Shell poured on about six pounds of ground beef.

It's one thing to hold a baby who is always a hideous freak. It's another thing altogether to hold and adorable baby with skin like warm cream who suddenly transforms itself into something completely fucking gross. Because shit starts off right, on some classic Star Fox/Starblade/Panzer Dragoon type rail shooter activity. You play three or so levels of something you think you could really settle into. The irrepressible Slippy Toad has gotten himself into another scrape and it's time to drop the hammer. Then, like I'm being punished, like I haven't washed the dishes or some shit they snatch it away and make me do stuff I would never have done otherwise. To be frank, the portions of this game which are outside the Arwing belong to some game I would never purchase.

There's a tip right there in the name that I think is just too subtle for people - Star Fox. To my mind, which is admittedly without refinement by a four year institution, that name conjures up the image of a fox in space. The name itself does not suggest a fox inside a tank for example. It does not suggest some joyless terrestrial caper that manages to incorporate a fox.

So, yes.

The Rogue shirts are up now. Their flavor is rich.

(CW)TB out.

got a ticket for a midnight hanging

It is our goal with PAX to create the greatest gaming convention anywhere in the world.

It’s E3 for everyone.

It’s a Lan party with three thousand of your closest friends.

It’s table top gaming in a basement that seats hundreds.

It’s a room lit by nothing but the glow of big screen TV’s wired with all the latest consoles.

What we did is build the convention that we would want to go to, and now we’re inviting you.

I give you the PAX 05 site! This year we’ve added 36,000 square feet for the exhibition room and a gigantic new theatre that will literally seat thousands of humans. We still have the console room and the PC room but now we have separate rooms for tournaments. This means we don’t have to kick everyone off when it’s time for a 150 person Smash Brothers tournament. The exhibition room will once again be packed with game developers and publishers showing off their new shit. A brand new theatre will play host to panels with industry professionals and the greatest geek rock concert ever. Essentially imagine everything we did last year only bigger and better organized.

Pre-registration is now open and I’d like to tell you why I think it’s such a good idea for you to sign up early. We’re doing a lot of shit different this year that will make things easier for pre-registrants. Those of you who came last year probably remember this line.

It actually stretched three city blocks. This year if you pre-register we will mail you an information packet along with a wrist band. All you need to do is flash your wrist band at the door and you’re in. Not only that, pre-registrants actually get in an hour early!

That’s all cool but the real reason in my opinion to sign up early is the Omegathon.

Just like last year our twenty Omeganaughts will be drawn at random from the list of pre-registrants. I know what you’re saying. Your saying, “but Gabe, last year you gave away a videogame collection worth over $25,000! How can you possibly top that?” I understand your hesitation but you’re forgetting something very important. Penny Arcade doesn’t fuck around. Trust me when I say that this year we will deliver an even bigger prize to the winner of the Omegathon.

So get over to our bad ass new PAX site and pre-register your ass.

-Gabe out

Another top secret page from Third Echelon's Spy Training manual has been released to the public. Ubi Soft seems to think we created these pages but the truth of the matter is we had nothing to do with them. Once a week we receive an unmarked envelope in the mail containing another of these grainy photocopies. I'm not sure who's responsible, but it's obvious that someone on the inside wants these pages to get out.

-Gabe out

Another top secret page from Third Echelon's Spy Training manual has been released to the public. Ubi Soft seems to think we created these pages but the truth of the matter is we had nothing to do with them. Once a week we receive an unmarked envelope in the mail containing another of these grainy photocopies. I'm not sure who's responsible, but it's obvious that someone on the inside wants these pages to get out.

-Gabe out