Oh, it's quite true - Dr. Raven Darktalon Blood has been optioned and will now be smeared across movie screens worldwide, with no thought of how they will eventually remove it. I'm speechless, in the way that makes a person go on and on. And what's more, he must have had the foresight to cut me out a year ago, because I'm nowhere to be found in that strip's credits. I said I'd go down with him to the studio and see how things are coalescing, but told him that if his "vision" manifests itself as boiling human waste it's only because it tried to stay true to the source material.

I played through the Resurrection of Evil expansion pack they put out for Doom, and as the only person I know who enjoyed Doom 3 I really appreciate their going to all the trouble. I had imagined that the pack would include concessions to the Flashlight Lobby, those players who utilize mods to make common weapons project light, but it was not to be so. Since it was one of the major complaints regarding the first game, I don't know if their reticence to resolve it is evidence of firm resolve or stubbornness.

It's pretty fantastic as expansions go. I found the addition of their version of the gravity gun, "The Grabber," somewhat distasteful reading about it initially - but it's nowhere near the game focus as it is in Half-Life 2. Outside of a couple bosses, it's basically up to you whether or not you want to use it - and for me, it didn't see a lot of use. I used it mainly to grab a powerup from across the room, my realspace sloth somehow able to project into the digital realm. The grabbing thing isn't the main addition anyhow, it's a disgusting artifact that you infuse with new powers as you go along. Ultimately, these powers let you smash just about anything and take no damage while doing so, so used judiciously even the final boss can be sundered with the convenience we expect from modern living. I need to try it on a harder level to see if that holds through, but I know that just a step below it, it was the servants of hell who felt fear and not their mortal despoiler.

I enjoyed Doom 3, and at the time I thought I had sufficient hardware to bridle that beast and ride it into town, but I know now that was not the case. As I might have mentioned I made a ridiculous purchase rebuilding my machine a month or so ago in the shape of an ATI X800. It's not top of the line, those days were over once they started asking six hundred dollars, but it is the crown that imbues this machine with vigor renewed. I had not actually seen the game I'd beaten prior to this, and have begun the journey anew. The second time the lights went out and I ran panting behind my sentry droid through some monstrous hive is absolutely a top ten gaming moment, and had the rig not been so willing to comply it might not have been so.

The thing that excited me and to some extent drove me through the game was something they hadn't intended, I don't think. As I suggested before, this installment of the franchise deals primarily with a hideous, unnatural artifact and its unseen role in the original game. The animation Nerve cooked up for your exposure to this thing was extremely compelling, and appeared to communicate terror, wonder, and desire simultaneously. I wanted to badly for there to be a full-on Lovecraft style "mortal overcome by eldritch power" thing, a sci-fi horror story with some real meat, and it was this odd expression that revealed a new way of thinking about a Doom series with a genuine narrative. This did not occur. If Doom is revisited anytime soon, what are the chances, but that idea has its hooks in and I can't get them out.

(CW)TB out.

walk across my swimming pool

After being dicked around by Verizon for two weeks I finally told them to piss off and I got myself a new internet provider. When I moved into my new place Verizon told me I'd be up and running in five days. That was apparently a lie from the pits of hell. They hooked my phone up just fine but my DSL never kicked in. After a week I called their technical support. Now I don't know a lot about computers. I pretty much just use mine to play games and draw. I'm not teh hax0r by any stretch of the imagination. With that said I do know enough to know that the woman on the other end of this call was full of shit. I explained that my DSL modem ready light was simply flashing repeatedly which I understood to mean that I had no DSL. She had me go into internet explorer and delete my cookies. This sort of thing went on for about 45 minutes culminating in her telling me that the problem was with my router. I told her that I didn't have a router hooked up but this didn't seem to faze her. My imaginary router was not supported by Verizon and so the problem was my own fault. It was my use of phantom electronics that meant I would never again surf the world wide webs. So I told her to go fuck herself and I immediately called Comcast. Four days later I'm back online. The point of this story is that if you tried to send me a mail anytime in the last two weeks I never got it. I'm golden now though so if you still need to talk feel free to mail away.

I apologize for the following proud father update. Gabe rolls all around now. He doesn't crawl yet but he'll just keep rolling over and over until he gets to wherever it is he wants to go. Recently where he wants to go is directly to the bin I keep all my controllers in. Whenever we lay him on the floor to play, he just goes right over to it and pulls out a dual shock or a type S.

That's my boy.*sniff*

-Gabe out :o:

I am physically ill with excitement about the gaming news at the moment. I have to get some of this off my chest before I misplace my breakfast.

Long-time readers will recall the enthusiasm with which I urged you toward Natural Selection, an asymmetrical game experience that blends FPS action and strategy. It also emulates Aliens, which is worth (in the carefully tuned schema I employ to rank things) one hundred billion points.

They’ve announced that they’re planning to make a go at making a business of it, with a Natural Selection built on modern technology. I wish those guys the best of luck, and my affection for them is so great that I would perform any service, even unto preordering their nascent title. Such is my dedication.

Black Cat Games, a mod developer comprised almost entirely of Star Pimps who bump in the frigidity between stars, have announced that their own Alien Swarm – a top down Action RPG built on Unreal – will be jumping to Half-Life 2’s Source engine. We’ll see a free version released on Steam, and subsequently a “competitively priced" product with additional content. If there’s anything I can do for you guys, let me know.

I don’t know how to feel about Dragonshard yet, what they are calling a “real-time strategy experience," but I do know how to feel about the new Eberron game world they’ve set it in: optimistic. Turbine’s Dungeons & Dragons Online, about which little is known, utilizes the setting as well. I’m excited for PC gamers to become acquainted with it, but I hope these introductions do it justice. I’ll be in a position to find that out week after next.

There were legitimate complaints about Full Spectrum Warrior that were largely mitigated in my co-op experience with it, but it was the kind of game whose retail performance I hoped would warrant a sequel. It has done so. Hallelujah.

God of my idolatry Jeremy Parish has put together a four page preview of We Love Katamari, sequel to the almost universally adored Katamari Damacy. If you would like to know what kinds of things you will be rolling up, or delve into news about cooperative rolling (!!!), I’m sure you know what to do.

and

The Remedy cats, known for Max Payne and... another Max Payne, are set to deliver more information about their just announced “psychological thriller" Alan Wake at E3. You can see a couple screens and download a teaser video but there’s just not that much to know at this point. I enjoyed both of their previous games, even warming to the delivery eventually which places me in the minority. I’d love to know what’s coming next.

(CW)TB

We should have known that making shirts based on fictional line dancing teams wasn’t a good idea. Personally the Kansas City Hotsteppers shirt is my absolute favorite. Very few other people seem to share my taste though and so we have decided to retire the designs. If you’ve been eyeing either the Hotstepper or the Obsidian Spur shirt I suggest you pick one up now. Once they are gone we won’t be restocking them. I believe the price has also been dropped on those shirts to reflect their clearance status.

On the flip side we have just released two new designs that you guys seem to like a hell of a lot more judging by their sales. We have the new Merch shirt as well as the Wombat babydoll available in the store. We also have a bunch of new designs in the pipe like a new PA logo shirt, a new Fruit Fucker and even an “I roll twenties” design. So keep an eye out for those around the end of the month. Then come San Diego we’ll have a shirt with Gabe on it as well as one with Tycho, so you can choose sides in the coming war.

-Gabe out :o:

I hadn't investigated it, but with PSP saves so easy to pull directly from the machine and compress for download I felt sure that repositories for the files were readily available. We just got back with our Hot Shots Golfs, and we enjoyed the single course that was available to us - but if our choice now is to play hours and hours of the single player to get more or download a .zip archive from the Internet, it can't be hard to guess my preference.

No downloads available yet for the US version of Hot Shots, and the Japanese one didn't work quite right, but if you're ever in need of this kind of shit hit up PSP Vault and PSP Saves. They're both a dream to use.

(CW)TB

There is nothing that escapes our gaze, expanded as it is by thousands upon thousands of grisly servants. One such creature, "James," let us know that apparently a Div shirt compelled a young man to do something very lewd indeed, something I cannot officially endorse but secretly believe is all the way live.

When the Ann Coulter spoke at his school, he took this opportunity to pose a ribald query and then "ran the 30 yards from the microphone back up the aisle to his seat making a repeated motion with his right arm and hand, which was cupped in a circular shape, toward his crotchal area simulating masturbation."

Again, this is not the sort of thing Penny Arcade, Inc. or any of its subsidiaries can support in any way. But it is totally awesome.

(CW)TB

Because I can hook that up.

I don't know how we ended up with a box of them to give away, and I hope you won't mind that I took one off the top for myself, but it's been well-reviewed and it's got some very pretty pictures.

Just drop a line to the ol' PA Contests e-mail, I'll select eight lucky humans and dish out the goods. No need to put in your address or anything, I'll get that when you win.

(CW)TB

If you can’t wait until PAX to see the one and only MC Frontalot perform live on stage, you don’t have to. Just get yourself to NYC on Wednesday May 11th for his show at the Slipper Room. You can find all the details on his site. If you can make it I highly recommend that you do. The Front puts on quite a show.

-Gabe out :o: