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Tycho

And so, our own pilgrimage comes to a close.  Thank you!  I think we all had fun.  I should stress that "we" refers to your cruel hosts, Gabriel and myself, who over the last eight years have tormented you thus with such dedication and enthusiasm.

Capcom’s dalliances with the new Xbox (in advance of the torrid affair du coeur) have been interesting to watch.  Being huge fans of the demo, the actual product of Dead Rising never did anything for us - I know that some people were able to manage the constant interruptions and necessary repetition and timer-based play structure, and I revere those people like saints.  For our loyal band, almost all the joy leaked out of the retail game - we think the hole in the middle of the disc may be to blame.     

I held off on Lost Planet because I hadn’t seen any rave reviews, but swiftly recalled that I was an Internet Demagogue in need of sweet grasses to ruminate upon.  I played enough of the single player campaign to know that the default camera scheme (something akin to a rail shooter, where the reticule is decoupled from direct camera control) was not for me, opting for mode "Fixed 7" which made it feel more like something I would play.   

I played a couple levels and then turned my attention to Hotel Dusk.  We’ll talk about that later. 

The hotel in question has been taking up my evenings recently, which I suppose is appropriate.  But it’s left poor Keek out in the cold, and when I got his text - the subtext of pain and desolation almost aromatic - I decided to take a break from dusking and (after a brief discussion re: options) pop in Lost Planet Multi to see if there was anything there.

I couldn’t really make sense of the demo, and none of my friends wanted to play, and also I don’t know how done it was, so maybe you know this stuff already.  The interface and user experience of the matchmaking I would describe as "psychotic."  Parts of it are fine, which is not to say that they are great, merely that they are inoffensive.  But (like Gears) it’s another one of these games that doesn’t think the host should have any control over a game once it’s begun.  You can either choose the map you want to play on for eternity, or you can choose to play completely random maps.  Do you think you might want to quit out of a game once it’s begun?  How about "no"?  Because you can’t.  Imagine that you have taken a round to completion - a screen will come up asking you if you would like to "Retry," which is the game’s way of asking you if you want to continue playing.  After every round.  Is it trying to be polite?  I don’t actually need this level of civility. 

The game underneath this mess is, I am pleased to say, highly entertaining.  The basic gunplay is spiced up by a number of standard weapons and clever grenades, and the Vital Suits - also known as ‘mechs - are all unique.  They have customizable weapons, some of them.  Some of them transform from rocket-powered sleds into small walkers.  There is one that transforms from a snowmobile into a robotic spider (!!!).  You can even yank a weapon off one of these things and use it yourself - the best fight I got into last night was between myself on a hill firing a laser larger than my character at a Vital Suit dueling me from a lower plateau.  Anime enthusiasts would do well to at least rent it - even with the troubles surrounding actual matches, I don’t know that they’ve ever had it this good.       

(CW)TB out. 

  tourne, tourne petit moulin

Gabe

Well I’m back from Hawaii and feeling pretty damn good. Kara and I realized a few months ago that we’d never really taken a proper vacation. We go down to the Oregon coast every summer but that’s just a few hours away and even in the summer the beach there can be pretty cold. Other than that the only time we travel anyplace is for a convention and those can hardly be considered vacations. So we decided it was time to go someplace warm and relaxing for a change and so we spent five days on Maui.

I won’t bore you with the details but I will relate two stories about our trip. First let’s talk about snorkeling. Everyone who comes back from Hawaii will tell you that snorkeling is some kind of spiritual experience. They are liars. Maybe it was just my constant anxiety or my crippling fear of anything new or a combination of the two, but I found snorkeling to be terrifying. I had rented a boogie board since I’m not a very good swimmer. I figured I could float out around this reef and take in the sights. Kara was waiting for me back on the shore and I waved to her as I paddled out. It was only a few feet deep here and looking down I could see some tiny fish swimming around the rocks. “ey!” I said back to her. The words muffled and distorted by my snorkel. Ere’s ish own ere!” I paddled a bit further and the ground slipped away beneath me. It was much deeper here and where there had been maybe two or three fish below me now there seemed to be hundreds. I started to feel a little uncomfortable. Like I had stumbled into a party I was not invited to.

You really have no peripheral vision when wearing the snorkel mask so when a huge fish appeared right next to my face I was surprised to say the least. I screamed through my snorkel “Oh It! Et uh uck away um ee ish!” I could not stand up out here over the reef and so I began thrashing around in the water while I yelled at the fish. “Uck you ish!” I managed to turn myself around and I paddled as hard as I could back to shore. As soon as I could I stood up and ran out of the water towards my wife. I tore off the snorkel gear and collapsed on the sand. “Did you see that fish?” I said to Kara? It was then that I realized she was laughing. Not just her but also the two old women next to her. “You all could hear me back here?” I asked. She said I screamed so loud that she figured the entire beach heard me. As I looked down the shore I saw plenty of grinning faces. Apparently she was correct. “It came right at me!” I said to the beach. “It was huge! Like…like as big as my fist!”

The next story I want to tell you happened while I was playing golf. I was placed in a group with two old men. Imagine men so old they are nearly dead. Around the fourth or fifth hole these guys realized they had both been accountants before they had retired. They stood at the tee box on the fifth hole and smoked cigars while they talked about the good old days of accounting. The one old man, David turned to the other at one point during their conversation and said “You know what the problem with accounting these days is?” Jerry, the other man puffed on his cigar. “The problem is robots.” David continued. Jerry turned to him and agreed “They let robots do everything these days.” He went on “People think robots never make mistakes but I tell you what, they are in for a big surprise.” He gestured with his cigar as he foretold the coming robot apocalypse. “Yes sir, a big surprise.”

Anyway the trip was incredible and we’re already talking about going back next year. It’s not like my job is super stressful or anything but it’s nice to get away once in a while. I really feel like I got my batteries recharged.

Oh and it’s true I picked up the Burning Crusade expansion. I’m back on Dark Iron after being gone for six or seven months and it feels pretty good. If you also grabbed the expansion be sure and pick up the new strategy guide. We did a bunch of exclusive Burning Crusade comics for it.

-Gabe out

Gabe

I know Child’s Play is over but we had a few items here at the office that we didn’t get auctioned off earlier. So if you’re still feeling generous here are a couple cool auctions to check out.

If you’re still trying to get your hands on a Wii, how about this one. It’s even signed by the president of Nintendo of America, Reggie Fils-Aime!

Maybe you are a huge Shadow run fan or you’re stalking one of the developers over at Fasa. Either way these signed prints are sure to excite you. Here’s the first one. Or you could get this one.

Finally, if you’re reading this that means you’re a Penny Arcade reader. And if you’re a Penny Arcade reader then we want you to take this survey. I’m not saying you have to take the survey, but if you don’t something terrible might happen.

-Gabe out