Close


Tycho

Vault of Winter, Module 4: Blood On The Gate

With the Emerald Storm passing so near the Prime Material, passage to the Feywild is a dangerous (if not utterly lethal) endeavor.  Hunks of shredding, sentient gem routinely liquefy interlopers travelling without the benefit of Elven expertise.  Characters who acquired Aelf-Buxx in the first three modules may now expend them to secure guides of varying quality, according to the following chart:

Aelf-Buxx Assistance Outcome
1 Aelf-Buck Quarter-Elf, Mother’s Side Shredded Completely
2 Aelf-Buxx Half-Elf Dickhole Stretched Out
3 Aelf-Buxx Elf With Benefits It’s Complicated
4 Aelf-Buxx Super Elf Dong Transmuted To Iron
9 Aelf-Buxx Aeofel Elhromane Safe Passage/Scones

Upon exiting the portal, if that is a thing that even happens, the snowspire of Lord Wyntyr (“wean-tehr”) is plainly visible.  A direct approach would be suicide, but if you have something else you need to do tonight you are welcome to suggest it.  In this foolhardly, genuinely hilarious scenario, the party encounters 1d6+1 Paindeer.

Each wears a Blessed Windmantle and is armed with a devastating Psychic Goad.  Each antler acts as an additional equipment slot; Permafrost Bulbs and Wave-Bangles are an especially unfair combination, then again, two Grave-Bells will probably do the trick.  It’s pretty hard to fight a bipedal deer person when you’re dead twice.

(CW)TB out.

wild and sweet

 

Gabe

Rejoice perverts, it’s Dickerdoodle season again!

That’s right It’s that glorious time of year when our thoughts turn to penis shaped cookies and frosting that looks like semen. So get in the kitchen and start baking some sweet sweet dessert porn!

I’ll post my favorites here on the site and then pick three winners. Those lucky erotic bakers will each receive a prize pack full of Penny Arcade merchandise.

One last thing, before you snap a photo of yourself deep-throating a cookie prick and mail it to me, I want you to remember that these will be posted on the Internet.  If that’s cool with you then please send me your photo and be sure and put “Dickerdoodle12” in the subject line. If you don’t use the right subject line I can’t promise I’ll see your shameful acts. You’ve got until Dec, 21st to send in your entries.

show me your worst/best you sickos!

-Gabe out

Gabe

Word from Brian is that the Penny Arcade store is being brutalized by the vigor of your holiday shopping.

Today is the Christmas order deadline for UPS Ground!  Order by midnight tonight if you want to ship your order with this viable and popular shipping method.OR select Parcel Post or Domestic First-Class and we will upgrade your order to the Priority Mail option for free, getting your order to you in time for Christmas!

The Parcel/First Class Domestic to Priority Mail upgrade runs through the 18th… so you’ve got 4 days left for Christmas shopping, basically.

Don’t forget, If you spend $90 or more, you get the first of our Pinny Arcade pins, the Merch Pin! We have really big plans for Pinny Arcade and this is the only way to get the Merch pin besides trading for it later.

-Gabe out