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Tycho / on Fri, May 6 2011 at 12:00 am

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Dire Circumstances

Crisis averted!  Hopefully.

Two things.

- Like all other conscious beings, we have constantly fantasized about operating our own gaming shop.  The contours of this thing have changed multiple times - in its most recent incarnation, it was Olympus: a kind of evolved arcade that The Mana Bar would ultimately make real.

A shop called Card Kingdom just opened up dangerously close to the office, and it’s essentially the tabletop version of my fantasy store.  In addition to a frankly ridiculous supply of games from every conceivable discipline, it’s got a cafe with local taps and a barista who knows his shit.  The only thing they don’t have is cots, which keeps me from simply living there.

- It’s been so long since I’ve had to cover multiplayer fundamentals, but it does happen.  In fact, it’s happening now: you do not win King of The Hill matches (in Gears or any other game) by killing members of the opposite team.

It can help, certainly.  The Hill itself should be well greased with foe-pulp.  What I’m saying is that without capturing the hill, you can’t score any points.  Devoid of a context which grants them value, all those sweet killz of yours are frenzied masturbation.  I think there is a misconception at the root:  the “Hill” in question is not a hill of corpses you pile up, and when it reaches a certain height it results in your coronation.

This is not what happens.

What happens is that the people on your team lose to no-account jackholes as a result of your gadabout excess.  It would be one thing if you didn’t like King of the Hill as a mode, and chose not to play it; it’s another thing altogether to choose King of the Hill from the menu, explicitly selecting it, and then proceed to play some other mode while abrading the Goddamn social compact(!!!).

Actually, wait.  Three things.

- We’ve got sensual new Penny Arcade Television for you today, juice beyond imagining, in the form of a 4th Panel episode which encapsulates the writing process for the strip entitled “On Kombat.”

(CW)TB out.

that is your flaw


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