The Pilgrimage, Part One
And so it begins: The Pilgrimage, Part One. There are (as intimated earlier) The Pilgrimages parts one through four. I will grant you that this is an odd genesis, but if you just strap yourself in and sign this sheaf of carefully crafted legal waivers, we will expose you to comic rays of unknown and perhaps unknowable power.
CES is probably the most boring thing I have ever experienced. There are different types of dorks, as we are all aware, and what I was able to determine during my time there is that I’m not the kind of dork who can appreciate CES. There are many places to demarcate our proud clan, but at a high level we can talk about hardware and software, and I clearly fall into the latter category. I knew this, certainly, but I had a feeling that I would experience a spontaneous conversion at the foot of consumer hardware’s holy Black Stone. This did not occur. I was happier poring over the digested show via Engadget and Gizmodo than I was actually being there. I can only see, oh, two hundred or so flat-panel televisions before I feel confident that they are very flat indeed. It was fun to see the men in the show’s car audio cavern pretend that they weren’t huge dorks and were, in fact, masculine, but that’s all. They seemed to believe that since their computer rolls around, they were operating in some higher continuum.
I had hoped that there at CES I would have an opportunity to use the Zune’s social features - its "higher brain functions," as I put it - but I was only there Thursday, after the place had largely thinned out. Near the Microsoft booth I was happy to see many devices speaking wirelessly - so many I had to scroll! - until I realized that they were named after genres, and were (in fact) the display units, which added greatly to my shame.
The two times I had an opportunity to share files were interesting - once on the floor itself, and once in the plane on the way back. In both cases, my offer was rebuffed. This actually feels terrible when it happens, because you’re trying to show someone something that is important to you and they don’t care. But let’s be clear: when someone is listening to music, that’s private. They are actively eschewing the outside world, and here you are - with some song they’ve never heard of - interrupting their lives. Let me also state that your music stops when doing this - even for someone that buys into the device philosophically, I mean… Jesus Christ, guys.
The iPhone has the hardware to make file sharing possible, though I doubt their arrangements with license holders allow for it. Even so, I’m not sure they would investigate this. My experience argues aggressively against it.
I did see Guitar Hero 2 on the Xbox 360, which I will be glad to speak of in greater detail on Wednesday.
After enjoying the Lost Planet single player demo a great deal, I’ve been disheartened to hear the chorus of middling reviews for the title. I’ve got a couple gift cards from the holidays to soften the blow, but I imagine that its Gauntlet-style death march of constantly draining health might begin to wear. WarioWare: Smooth Moves, though, this is a game I can vouch for without question - if Wii Tennis and Bowling have an iron grip on your console, WarioWare’s effortless, non-denominational fun will even take gamers by surprise. And the new Phoenix Wright drops this week as well, though I couldn’t resist the full-English import on offer months ago. I’d be surprised if it changed much outside of a few typographical errors, which means that I can feel very comfortable directing you toward it - gesturing, perhaps, with a jeweled scepter.