Penny Arcade

It's a really twisted business model to rob people of the sunset of their lives by goading them with shit they never would have seen otherwise. Grandma doesn't need to know about this shit. She doesn't need to know about demonic sneakers. Unless Lil Nas X drops a sick collab with Dr. Scholls, she's good. I was raised to think of Satan as a real person, so when songs or album covers invoked this kind of imagery and they told me it was all devil worship I believed them -…

League of Legends: Wild Rift is executed to a really high degree. Right now, I can't play that and Monster Hunter so I'm playing Monster Hunter. Not because they didn't do a good job or because I don't have cross-game access to my shit or whatever. It's just literally not possible to do because of how time is dumb. Gabe works on an iPad Pro, so he's probably experiencing something like the optimal experience for the game. It's like a drug made from some other…

Well, shit. Precisely because I knew that if the game got its claws in they would get in too deep and cause grievous internal injury, I did my best to avoid Monster Hunter Rise.  I grabbed the demo as a kind of inoculation - a brief exposure to the kind of complexity the game has on offer, an opportunity to remember just how cramp inducing its puppeteering is. It really does feel that way - very QWOP, and then there's a second layer of this on top of the other one, where you literally…

God dammit, I thought it was gonna be fine, I thought I was gonna get out clean, S-Tier (Full Escape), but now Gabriel has made the slightest, almost silent invitation to play and now it's installing. Fuck! I held out for almost a full day. He's lost it completely; Gabe doesn't play every Monster Hunter game, but when he decides that's what he's gonna do, he fuckin' loses it. It's the same with Pokemon, actually. He's not in for every game but when it…