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Tycho / on Mon, Aug 30 2010 at 12:00 am

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The Bible Online, right?  Where has this thing been?

As a setting, we’ve emphasized on multiple occasions that the Bible is woefully underutilized.  Once you start looking at the book from a gaming perspective, the genres jump right off the fucking page.  Obviously, Exodus - the period covered by the game - should be an MMO.  Jonah?  Adventure.  Samson is an Action RPG - he literally equips a weapon mid-narrative.  David? JRPG.  Armageddon?  Tactics.  Dead Sea Scrolls?  CCG.  Song of Solomon?  Dating sim.

Revelations?  Survival horror.

It just doesn’t stop.  There’s plenty of weird stuff in there, certainly; I imagine Esther would make for a unique simulation.  But everywhere else there’s jewels aplenty, and blood, and sorcerous duels (no, really!), and creepy stalkers, charismatic prophets with supernatural origins, this thing has it all.  Best part?  It’s entirely public domain.  That means zero licensing fees for a powerhouse brand with proven earnings potential.

Actually, speaking of the Bible, I just sent Xbox Live’s Major Nelson an e-mail.  The subject line was “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.”  The message body read “n/t,” because you don’t really need any t to express why the subject line might say such a thing.  What a terrible job his must be - to act as the community pinata for decisions made twenty floors above his head.

I’m certain Microsoft has a model which states that a slight percentage of people won’t renew, just as they have a model which states that selling the Kinect at hundred and fifty dollars or selling it at one-thirty is a wash, but it’s only a “wash” if you’re prepared to call the volcanic hatred these decisions generate irrelevant, which is profoundly untrue.

It may be that as a communicator, I am obsessed with communication.  It may be that I have a tendency to exaggerate its importance over other factors in the grand scheme, for example, wealth - but the timing on this is absolutely abysmal.  Fresh from a show where the last weeping strains of hardcore enthusiasm for the Kinect were silenced, and you’re thinking that, well, at least I have my old thing that I like, they engineer a Reverse Christmas Event against your friends list.  It’s like a ransom letter cobbled entirely out of drop caps from high finance publications, which reads “WE HAVE YOUR FRIENDS.  THEY ARE SAFE.  FOR NOW.”


love that travelled far

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