Skip Nav

Advertisement

Realiti

I tried to explain it to Grub Dumpster a couple days ago. Imagine the moment where you're trying to push the final point in, say, Numbani. The sled has turned the corner and the lip is now over the point. It's lipping. Time is out, and it's only desperate, frenzied roosting on the objective itself that is keeping this balloon in the air.

Advertisement

Output

Yay! We have a website again! All thanks to our tech-priest, and - of course - to the glorious Emperor of Mankind.

Fortunate

"Digital Card Games" take many forms, and there are many attempts to execute them in ways that do not burn up when entering our atmosphere. This is my particular obsession, I don't expect everyone to follow me into these - particularly as it's not really feasible financially to seriously play more than one at a time. I get in on launch or just before to see how they've tried to survive in the hot, terrifying jungle of the form, which doesn't cost much. Usually.

Advertisement

The Neil Armstrong Of Horse Fucking

I have received requests for what C.E.N.T.A.U.R.I. stands for, broken out. The fact that we have readers who want this information, coupled with the fact that they know I have it, means that we have found each other. Think about what a bizarre configuration of the universe this is. In any case. Behold:

Legacy

I spent most of the weekend watching the Rainbow 6: Siege invitational, like… a lot of it, I watched it a lot. I ran down the battery on my loyal, ancient Acer Chromebook a couple times while I was out in the garage trying to make it less appealing to rats.

Quality Time

I'd heard that the new stress test for Sea of Thieves was gonna be an actual stress test. As in, they were gonna let us come in and try to break it while they were actively trying to break the backend as well. Giving people an experience with your product you aren't completely in control of and which can literally fail in random ways creates novel rhetorical and business challenges, which is why "betas" are mostly marketing and why when we purchase entertainment software it's fucked a nontrivial percentage of the time.

Posers

I first saw the Wyrmwood crew out at PAX South, which was essentially "the tabletop focused show" before there was such a thing as PAX Unplugged. "Wood nerds" are real. I know about this from my stepfather: he was showing me some kind of "burl" or whatever, which I think is a wood word, and he was like "check this burl out" or something to that effect. No, it was Bird's Eye maple. His eyes glowed. That's the type of dorks these Wyrmwood people are.

Advertisement

Half-Life

When I'm playing pubji with Kiko, I take painkillers constantly. Like, in game. The inventory item. It helps me get my head right. In the state of preternatural clarity they create, do I occasionally shoot a bush that looks (at a certain LOD) like it might be a crouching man? I won't say it doesn't happen. Maybe the bush in question didn't deserve to be shot, per se - but let's be honest with one another.

The Dumbest Timeline

This motherfucker can't stay out of the news. And because eSports and social media have transformed every human medium of communication into a tabloid, I can't look anywhere without seeing it. So now, even if you have scrupulously limited your Internet access to this specific site, you still have to put up with it.

The Neon Corridor

So, without repeating myself too much, one of the reasons I like games is that I think - true or not - that somewhere in the experience of playing a game, I might be able to find some shadow of the person that made it. The game could also be the shadow, I suppose; they may be what casts the shadow. I'm not sold on any particular metaphor. It's very, very weird when I play a game that already seems to know me.

Camaraderie

The Overwatch League is having at least one of its intended effects, that of putting Overwatch itself back into rotation for Garb. By which I mean Gabe. Garb might be a little too far. Plus, it's a word already. Garb is the Dark Souls of needless handle transforms.