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Tycho / on Mon, Aug 25 2014 at 12:00 pm

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The things people are willing to enter into text fields perpetually surprises me.

As someone who enters things into text fields professionally, I think of myself as a connoisseur.  I’ve said all kinds of things here, but I know what I said, and what I didn’t say, and the space for interpretation, and I can project the reaching shapes of the inevitable blast shadow when I have the temerity to say a true thing.

I am partial to Yelp reviews as a form of amusement; we did a comic to that effect.  There is something about the strenuously forced language and the unrelentingly petty savagery re: some fucking French fries that encapsulates our consumerist hellscape.  I can blink my eyes and see millions of people in millions of pens, their mouths seeking for the nutrient teat in the dark.

Dating profiles, too, never fail to stimulate.  Each day, I believe in God just long enough to thank Him profusely for a life where I never had to make one of these profiles.  I would not have acquitted myself well.  There, but for the grace of whoever.  I forget.

Grob discovered a wholly new genre recently, connected with a renewed interest in Legends and the Leagues they occasionally compete in: the Wails of the Banned.  As the Lead Designer of Social Systems, Lyte acts as a kind of intercessor for these damned souls in the vein of Mother Mary.  Their stories are replete with dramatic twists if you follow them to the end.  Much like the dating profiles, they have to tamp their madness way down in order to appear like they are not in fact murderers.  But they don’t know how to not be murderers, because they are 24/7 stabbing motherfuckers every day.  They’re like a sculptor who painstakingly chips a vision of human sanctity out of stone, but when they set their hammer and chisel down by the rest of their tools, it clearly forms the word “KILL.”

For the pinthusiasts among you, Keek (at least, I think it was Keek…  yes!) put up the Pin Quest sheet that shows what you’re up against this time around.  Everybody here at Penny Arcade has new pins that are only available from trades, which is my favorite part of the system, but there’s a lot to like in there.

(CW)TB out.

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