I think that I initially thought of it as a joke, a Magic x Hot Pockets collab, but it's not! It's a real thing. There is a picture of Gideon Jura on a box of Meatballs & Mozzarella Hot Pockets, and I think it might be stock art or something, but the way they're presented on the box he is looking at these flaky snacks with wicked intent. Or just… maybe he's just hungry, which in this case probably ends much the same way.
I should have realized that literally nothing was off the table when I saw that there was a Post Malone crossover. I'm not saying that Post Malone is bad - that's the best concert I've ever been to, and it was literally just him on stage, alone in his pajamas. I have tirelessly advocated for him among various holdouts. What I'm saying is that I don't think Post Malone is, like, a Planeswalker.
I feel like there's an opportunity to manifest rich lore here - lore as rich and flavorful as their Croissant Crust Hickory Ham & Cheddar calorie lozenge. These fried mounds constitute stalwart ordnance in the Hunger War - in keeping with Hot Pockets' sacred credo, to truly offer a "'wich for every sitch." We'll see if all they end up doing is dishing up heapin' helpings of Magic: The Gathering Arena codes, because there's no ceiling on this thing. There could be, like… dragon pepperoni or something. I don't know! Look, I'm just getting started.