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Tycho / on Mon, Apr 8 2002 at 11:19 am


While playing Jedi Outcast yesterday with my esteemed colleague S. Monkey, mongrels could be heard to say “o no, i guess this server is full of grip whores.”  Just so you know, Grip is when Darth Vader lifts you off the ground and chokes you, even though he is a across the room.  Suffice it to say, it’s a Jedi Thing.  Jedi do it.  There’s ways out of it.  But it begs the question:  Could a Jedi be a saber whore

You, in the back.

“Medal of Honor weapons are inherently imbalanced.”

What, can only one side get them or something?  Everybody gets their weapons from the same menu, there isn’t some special menu for other people that includes the sniper rifles, rocket launchers, and shotguns which your own selection omits.  Go ahead, take them.  There’s no shame in it, you may be assured that your opposition does not share your quaint perspective on warfare.  I guarantee that - within your first five matches - you’ll see situations where those weapons are at a distinct disadvantage. 

That’s all beside the point, though.  Investing your rage in the these real or imagined disparities while the server is still live is akin to pointing at the ground with a stern finger in order to scold gravity.  Tell me how that works for you.   


Tycho / on Mon, Apr 8 2002 at 4:39 am

I wish these people would just forget how to breathe, and die clawing at their carpets - writhing in the useless air like some doomed fish.  In Tribes, precious, forward-thinking Tribes, it was very simple matter to mute an idiot when he begins to broadcast the true extent of his stunted faculties.  Today’s strip just collects our frustration - we can certainly understand why someone might not enjoy the losing, but like the Warbling Chattybitch the strained noises they make have no bearing whatsoever on anything.  There is no politeness for your opposition; World War 2 was not some kind of Axis Vs. Allies bake-off.  If I feel like taking a gun that shoots grenades, that the creators of the game saw fit to include, I’m going to Goddamn well take the gun that shoots grenades. If you don’t like that, it’s a pity I can’t carry two.  Try not to suck so much.               

We are indeed working on the mod we describe today - we’ve even got a press release to prove it.  If you’ve got a press release...  I mean, that’s some serious shit right there. 

People send me shit all the time - actual, wond’rous, wholly tangible things.  When the bolts come loose on your own beloved project, and the number that represents “viewers” becomes a number you can no longer take seriously, people are going to start sending you things, too.  Some of them do it because they’re in a position that lets them give something back to you.  Some crave your readership.  If you, like me, only feel truly conscious once every two or three months - and then, only for enough time to admit that you are overwhelmed by your own life and immediately resume your delicious coma - you won’t feel very deserving of these items, no matter what circumstances brought them your way.  And if you, like me, are me, you’ll try to generate a karmically valid approach to the situation you’ve found yourself in.  And here it is. 

I’m just going to give it away.  When I accrue three thingies, three thingies get sent out.  It’s the best solution I can think of.  Each section will have a link to enter the contest, use that link and that link only to enter.  Anything that goes to my main mailbox regarding this stuff will just get thrown away.

  • Jadeclaw:  If any fur enthusiasts still read the site, listen close.  Jadeclaw is an extremely cool pen-and-paper RPG, set against a fantastical Ancient East inspired backdrop.  Ninja Dragons?  Contemplative turtle monks?  That’s just for starters.  I want to give you one of these, but you need to write me a 5-7-5 form Haiku about the changing of the seasons, and mail it to me here.  I want to know this excellent game - nearly four hundred pages, and filled with original art - is going to a good home, and your submission will prove that you exemplify the martial spirit.  Sanguine Productions (the game’s authors) even threw in a set of dice, which I will also provide to the author who radiates the most calm power.

  • Exploding Dog Book, “Wish For Something Better” :  Exploding Dog doesn’t really have anything to do with dogs, let alone exploding dogs, so I don’t know why it’s called that.  It doesn’t matter.  Humans send him little snips of sentences, and he turns those into comics.  Really interesting comics.  Comics I like a lot.  For some reason, he sent me a copy of his new book, two of them actually, and one of you gets one.  I’ll be sending out the limited edition (numbered and everything) piece of art that comes along with, so if you were already a fan (or became one just today) it’s something you might be very proud to own.  Drop me a line if you’re interested, and I’ll mail you back if you won.

  • Rallisport Challenge:  I’ll never know quite how we landed this one, but I’m not one to look a gift PR guy in the mouth.  I’ve talked about Rallisport before, my brother-in-law Josh and I played it until our hands ached.  We’ve got five of these sonsabitches to give out it looks like, and all you have to do to get one is tell me what you have to do to get one.  If we’re going to be giving more stuff away like this, I’ll need a steady stream of hackneyed hoops to march people through - making you create the contests as well strikes me as a sort of metahoop, which brings me no end of pleasure.  I’ll try to use your contest ideas in future Triple Threats.  Also - They sent along a couple great cheats, for those of you who already own it, or for those you about to: make a driver named WheelToWheel to unlocks Expert mode, or TheGoodStuff to get your hands on Classic.

I think this is going to be pretty cool.

We were thinking of doing a strip on the Tribes: Fast Attack announcement, and we still might - it’s hard to read that interview at IGN and not feel a little strange about it.  I’d like to hear what the creators of Tribes themselves have to say about these revelations, and some have kept in touch with us, but I’m willing to bet they signed something that details very clearly just how much they can’t say about the current management structure.  In a nutshell, I don’t agree with anything I read and I hope that Alex Rodberg trips and falls down the stairs.  Sierra pissed all over Tribes 2, and now they seem to be complaining that it smells like pee.  I stopped playing what I considered one of the best games of all time because I couldn’t count on them not to fuck it up.  This isn’t just histrionics from some guy who doesn’t like shit.  They had patches just to take off other patches.  It’s too early to tell if their new (or, some might say old - Tribes 1 old) ideas are going to make for a better game, a more accessible game, a shot in the arm for the franchise, or whatever - but it doesn’t sound a hell of a lot like my Tribes.

(CW)TB out.

i’ll bury you bastards

Gabe / on Fri, Apr 5 2002 at 3:38 pm

Now if they would just make an NJO game!

I almost forgot. Those of you playing Jedi Starfighter might be interested in this little tidbit. Try entering the code “pnyrcade” and see what you get. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Thanks to the cats at Lucas Arts. It’s great to be recognized in one of the best Star Wars games I have ever played.

-Gabe out

Gabe / on Fri, Apr 5 2002 at 12:23 pm

Dungeon Siege is fun to play

I generally don’t get into fantasy games, much less point and click style RPG ones. Somehow though, Dungeon Siege managed to get a grip on me. Killing monsters is fun but for me the real thrill comes from finding new items and a little something I like to call transmuting. To say that my ranger looks good would be an understatement. His silver chain mail is accented with a bright red flame thrower and matching hat. This ensemble tells monsters that this is a marksman who is serious about killing them with liquid fire and looking good while he does it. He’s ready for summer but still holding on to spring with his +3 to strength leather boots. Watch out Krug Dogs, this flame throwing ranger is H-O-T hot!

Of course my lavish wardrobe wouldn’t be possible with out the wonderful transmute spell. Turning worthless crap into gold has never been this much fun. It doesn’t matter if it’s a broken stick or Gods-burning-lighting-death-Hammer, it all gets transmuted. It could be five gold or a thousand gold, it makes no difference to me.

The latest installment of Love and Hate is available now. You might also notice that the preview section has been replaced by features. This makes a bit more sense seeing as we never had any previews. For right now the only item there is Love and Hate but hopefully that will fill out soon. Oh, and I know the mouse over still says previews so don’t mail me about it. 

I have a TMNT sketch here that I actually like. Keep your fingers crossed I may actually finish it.

-Gabe out

Tycho / on Fri, Apr 5 2002 at 3:57 am

Today’s strip concerns a game you may be spending the weekend with, Gas Powered’s inaugural release Dungeon Siege.  DS is such a streamlined hack und slash experience that it virtually plays itself - which will probably be one of the main complaints leveraged against it.  It won’t keep people from buying it, oh, goodness no - they’ll tell you this while they’re playing.  We’ve rather enjoyed it, ourselves.  Spanning the gap between the Action RPG and an RTS, you can specify default behaviours for your characters which can obviate your presence altogether, provided you have someone to follow through the game.  Gabe has actually gone and done chores while his lethal automaton and I plundered dungeons he might never see.

That aside, today’s cartoon refers to all those fun times we had in the Pit of Despair.  Along with the main campaign (which can be played solo or in blessed, blessed co-op), there is a huge extra world which includes (among many other things) a seemingly infinite maze which seals your doom.  So, that’s nice.  The dialogue and events today are almost verbatim, up to and including when I logged out and left him there.  I like to imagine that he stumbled about in the dark, frightened by noises real or imagined. 

Gabe mentioned Duke Nukem:  Manhattan Project already, but I’ve actually played it, so you get to hear about it again.  Someday, some company is going to want to put their shitty, stupid-ass game on Penny Arcade, and it’ll end up being some big deal, as it is every time it business and integrity are at odds.  Well, no soul-searching this month.  DN:MP is scrumptious, all-purpose, cure-what-ails-ya platform shoot-‘em-up.  I talked to their PR guy about laying out a demo, along the lines of the old “Shareware” concept that put its forebears in front of people - but when the whole game costs twenty-five bucks I can understand why giving part of it away for free isn’t a high priority.

Young man, share those gaming links with your sister.  No “buts”!

  • The Army Men: RTS is, oh, I’m going to say about a million times better than I expected.  I downloaded it in the middle of the night (game demos and insomnia, two great tastes that have a universally recognized relationship when juxtaposed) and it got a grip on me.  It’s not super complex or anything, and it knows that - it’s simple, straightforward, and doesn’t fuck anything up.  When I saw that it was by Battlezone II/Dark Reign 2’s Pandemic Studios, I was like, “Well, yeah.”  If you don’t have anything to do, or you do have something to do but you think you can get away with it, see how it treats ya.

  • Having conquered Jedi Outcast (final verdict, enough moments of absolute brilliance to make sometimes tedious jumpy shit tolerable) and Gunvalkyrie (a treasure for the dedicated gamer), my sights are again set fully upon Freedom Force.  The joy with which it was produced continues to permeate the game, while well-voiced characters say things in (actually interesting) cutscenes that I don’t immediately try to skip.  I itch all over if I don’t check Irrational’s site every day, and my obsessive-compulsive nature has borne twisted fruit:  a new hero model is available, complete with trenchcoat and dual pistols.  You can nab him here.

  • A game I’m following pretty closely is Battlefield 1942, a video of which you can grab at the following link.  Picture Tribes set in WW2 with a shit-ton of vehicles, and you’ll know why I crave it so.

  • This guy used to write me sometimes.

Chris Morrison (of Polymer City fame) wrote in regarding Wednesday’s comic, saying that it looks like we go out of our way to get people riled up.  I told him that when you don’t care - that is to say, when you don’t go out of your way to not make people mad - it often looks like the same thing.  People seem to think that their preferences on a subject - consoles, operating systems, naked jaguar bitches, etc. - represent an inviolable quantity, as though liking vanilla (or what have you) constitues some ultimate, invulnerable act.  That’s just not the case.  To call our expression of preference regarding bi-curious teen lynxes “Bigotry” dilutes the power of the written word.  I’m not apologizing for shit - I do have this hard-assed persona to maintain - but, I will extend an olive branch.  Here’s a picture of Brenna dressed a Wombat, which I will admit looks pretty good.  Try not to beat off to it.

(CW)TB out.

it’s stupid and it’s strange

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