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The Least

One presumes my final form is just me as I am now, a greasy and glistening sphere, within which plump veins can be seen writhing in their labors. There are disadvantages obviously but if we're both trying to get to the bottom of a hill, and we're putting money on it? Good luck, bro. Good fuckin' luck.

By The Gracie Of God

After experiencing the full arc of Gabriel's argumentation, robust in its profundity and vice versa, you may wonder why things have resolved as they did. That is because Smokey The Bear and Yogi The Bear are neither - they are simply Smokey Bear and Yogi Bear. So what he did was technically crimes. But I've never been effected by a Mandela so hard in my entire life.

Descent 2

At SDCC one year, some of the writers on The Simpsons came by to say hi. They told us something we thought was bizarre at the time, but they would know better than us: that it's okay to use the same joke again but it has to be at least ten years later. The parachute stuff was back in 2002; I think we're in the clear.

Eats, Chutes, And Leaves

I didn't know! Back in the day, it literally used to be the 9 key, placed there as a kind of test by the developers. One of the more twisted executions of this concept must have been in America's Army, where if you didn't land correctly via a specific input you'd break your leg at the spawn point and just… crawl around. Is that meaner? I guess they're both pretty mean.

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Shit Detection

I don't think I've ever deployed the terminology here, but Gabriel and I will sometimes use the term "videogame" to describe a game that feels good to play. It's the result of many games being so bent toward epitomizing their genre conventions that they lose sight of the fact that they are something you have to play with in order to enjoy. There are a lot of Bethesda games that are very "open world," which is not without its virtues, but the actual experience of playing them is worthwhile because of those factors and not because someone thoughtfully modelled the experience of being there. As an example: Battlefield has always offered scale, but their gunplay and movement haven't always risen to the moment; I feel like BF6 is a videogame, even if my own sloth and ineptitude sometimes obscures it. At least they know what's going on.

Watchers of Thorns

The funny thing is that I know what happens after this, but as much as I would enjoy it I think it should probably be its own thing by itself. There are a bunch of folkways around a Lookouts' sword coming back to the village, and a few more surprises, but that's something we can get into at some point in the future when the real world becomes too stupid to write about. Again.

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The Blessing, Part Five

Okay! So, there are a few dots here for you to connect if you like the Eyrewood stuff. Gabe was plagued by technical issues throughout the whole project thus far, in large part because many ports that look superficially like USB-C don't do all the things we would expect from USB-C. Certainly we know that - like the Nintendo DS - he emits harmful rays, but USB-C was supposed to ferry us into an Elysian realm and by and large it's more of a Charon situation.

The Blessing, Part Two

It's still Monday, I wrote the last post a few hours ago, but the process of going to Australia alienates one from linear time so utterly that I feel like I should just get one in the can. And anyway, I already know what this strip is about: it is about feeling bad!

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Enervator

I saw a few full-throated defenses of Tilly Norwood, a kind of cybergolem designed to supplant human actors. It's from Particle6, a company nobody had ever heard of before a week ago, utilizing their DeepFame engine - a name I assure you I did not make up. I haven't seen an article about Tilly Norwood that didn't include the note that there were already suitors lined up to utilize their tech, which there is no proof of, and no way to prove it. SAG-AFTRA would fuck anybody who even attempted to use this in a production directly up their ass.