I am completely astonished by the stupid crap I've had to tolerate regarding this Ghost thing. As often as not, it's a clumsy segue into some screed about consoles or PCs which I'm sure sounded very smart when you wrote it. It is the sterling, unerring quality of this discourse that has inspired today's comic, in fact. I have neither the time nor the energy to disabuse you these notions, which have apparently dismantled the whole of your mental apparatus. If you've been avoiding consoles because you see them as childish, while you yourself are a man of erudition who only deigns to use a machine befitting your elevated intellect, there is no way for me to describe to you how far off-base you are. You can't even see the base from there. You're looking around, but you can't find it. Where's the base?

Your mom is a wildcat in the sack.

It’s so cool when people make my point for me:

In response to the argument that Blizzard is alienating it's mainly PC fan base with its move to consoles I have this to say: Shut up you retard. It's not like Starcraft: Ghost is only going to be available on the moon. You don't need a fucking spaceship to play it. It's for consoles, they sell them in stores for God sakes. Stores by you probably! Don't tell me you can't afford one either. We both know you just paid four hundred bucks for that brand new GeForce 4. It's not like scraping together a hundred and fifty bucks to buy a console is going to kill you. And don't give me that bullshit about not wanting to buy a console for one game. If you don't have at least one console by now you're missing out on a lot more than just StarCraft: Ghost my friend. I understand that your PC is cool and that half life was a great game but if you don't own a console you are missing out on hundreds of great games every year. Role playing games, fighters, platform games, shooters God the list of amazing games you will never play is fucking endless. The PS2 alone is practically a necessity for anyone who considers themselves a fan of electronic entertainment. They should be dropping the fucking things out of airplanes over war torn Afghanistan along with flour and water. It's a basic goddamned human need. If you don't have one by now it's nobody's fault but your own.

Wow, the response to Starcraft: Ghost has been pretty insane. I took some time this morning and visited a few message boards just to get a feel for what people thought of Blizzards latest title. It seems that an overwhelming number of you guys are pretty pissed off. I have seen links to no less than three different petitions asking Blizzard to make a PC version with robust online support. I can understand how all you PC gamers might be upset over Blizzards announcement but I for one couldn't be happier. If you have any questions about why I might be uninterested in a PC version of Ghost Just take a look at this quote from one of the many angry threads out there on this subject:

So, now we know what Blizzard was planning. While it would have been nice to see a tactical FPS with a strategic overlay, I am not displeased in the least by this announcement. The issue of who exactly is doing what on this game always seems nebulous to me, where Nihilistic Software ends and Blizzard begins - we deal with that in the strip - but a reasoned analysis tends to allay any fears I might have. Lord Of The Clans was an internal project and they killed it, even after years of investment. They aren't likely to release anything with their name on it that isn't at least "very, very, very good." What's more, while we think of Diablo as a Blizzard game, the people behind it - Blizzard North - were once a studio called Condor, picked up on the strength of their proposal. Blizzard is in the habit of making very good decisions, so if they think Nihilistic has the sauce I'm going to call it good.

You have, no doubt, already heard of the hot EA/McDonald's/Intel marketing three-way, for which paper towels and blue tarps have already been purchased. However, you may not have seen our comic strip on the subject, because I just now uploaded it.

I had some friends over on Saturday to play some games. I had Ikaruga, Raging Bless and Socom all ready to go. It turns out the evening was dominated by the Xbox version of Soccer Slam though. From about six in the evening to almost midnight it was nothing but killer kicks and trips to the soccer shop. I live in an apartment and the chick above me is always complaining that Kara and I are too loud even when we are just sitting on the couch reading. Now Soccer Slam is a game that requires yelling when you're playing it with friends and I was a little worried about my future in this particular complex. Over shouts of "Fuck you Angus!" and "Suck it Nova!" I tried to caution my friends against being quite so boisterous. In the end we decided that goals would be celebrated with the silent waving of ones hands and curses directed at the opposing team would be kept at a reasonable volume. It's no secret that Tycho and I were huge fans of the Gamecube version of SS and the Xbox version has some tweaks and features that make it even better. One of the most frustrating things about the GC version was that Killer Kicks rarely resulted in a goal. We always felt like if you're actually able to execute one of these Matrix inspired mega kicks you deserve the goddamned point. It seemed that maybe one out of every hundred killer kicks ever actually scored in the GC version. Now on the Xbox these same kicks find the back of the net with satisfying frequency. Visually the game looks pretty much identical. The Xbox version has some fantastic weather effects that I don't remember being in the Cube version. Maybe I am just spacing out here but I don't remember snow or rain on the cube. Word is there are also some new hidden teams to unlock. It's probably not worth buying if you already have the Cube version but Xbox owners should certainly pick this one up. The single player experience is nothing special but if you get some friends together this game is a fucking blast. It's easily one of the best party games on any platform.

I noticed on Evil Avatar an edit for your User.ini to fire Redeemer ammo. It isn't the full package, now - you aren't steering it around - but it's a big-ass explosion, and the physics of poor bastards caught in its wake are delicious to behold.

It is probably clear at this point that we enjoy Bombing Run.

I've had Animal Crossing for about three days now and it's still pretty interesting. I made a raid on Kara's town two days ago and returned home with my pockets full of her precious oranges. I sold some of them and planted the rest. It turns out it takes a long ass time for an orange tree to grow. Soon though I will be harvesting them and I'll have more bells then I know what to do with. It's hard to get used to a game in which time passes normally. One day in Animal Crossing is one day in real life. I have to wait an entire day for the town store to get restocked with new items. If I don't play all day and then go in late at night I run the risk of missing out on certain things that only take place during the day. Town's people scold me for visiting them late at night after not seeing them for an entire day. It's really not a game for everyone, if fact I'm not sure it's even a game for me. I keep playing it though. I mean what If I don't play one day and that was the day when they got the cool golf clubs at the town store. I don't want to miss out on something like that. Also I have my newly planted orange grove to tend to. God only knows what kinds of exotic and valuable sea shells are washing up on the shores of my beach right now while I sit here and type this post. This can't be healthy.

UK Developer Bitmap Brothers will always have a special place in my heart for having made the Amiga such a great machine to own. I was elated when I saw they were planning to re-release the classic Speedball 2: Brutal Deluxe for the Gameboy Advance, but when I saw screenshots for Gods on the handheld, I had to grudgingly admit that there may be a benevolent force that works the knobs and buttons of reality. I was about to say that now, all that's required is versions of Magic Pockets and The Chaos Engine, and I'd be set. I guess I'm set, then.

Though it's tangential to this particular strip, you can be certain that Ikaruga deserves every kindness we invest in it. It is glorious, and the most reverent requiem a Dreamcast enthusiast could hope for. I was originally unsure about the fact that the game foregoes the weapon upgrades most consider intrinsic to the genre, but the fact of the matter is that one simply does not have time to fuck around with that sort of crap. It will be quite difficult enough to manage your polarity through thick waves of enemy fire, without also flitting about for weapon upgrades. Also, and I was not aware of this initially, you actually absorb shots of your own color, ultimately unleashing them in a swarm of deadly homing lasons. This makes veritably every enemy shot a potential power-up, so, shooter enthusiasts: rejoice! I neglected to mention that the game features cooperative play, and you can only imagine my exultation. It's actually more of a pain then it's worth in some cases, but it's still much better than going to the dentist. The ships can bump into each other, and having two players makes it nearly impossible to rack up proper combos using Ikaruga's freaky combo system, but what are you gonna do. The game is also hard as hell, even on the easiest mode, which is the way it should be. We've theorized what the hardest mode must be like, and we think maybe you just get cancer and die.

I think Ikaruga is Japanese for "Mind Fuck". For those of you unfamiliar with the concept behind the game I will cover it briefly for you here. Ikaruga is a top down shooter in which all the enemies you will fight are divided into two groups, black or white. Your ship also has two sides to it, black and white and you can flip between these sides at anytime. When your ship is black you can absorb black shots which charge your mega shot meter, you deal more damage against white enemies and white shots will fuck your shit up. The same is true for your ship when it is in white mode only backwards. Get it? Good. The screen is almost always full of enemy fire of both colors and only through skillful use of your own ships alignment will you be able to navigate through them safely. There is also a pretty cool combo system. Destroy 3 enemies of the same color in rapid succession and that kicks off a combo. Continue destroying groups of three enemies of the same color to keep your combo going. You can chain together pretty large combos in this manner and rack up some serious points. While Ikaruga doesn't have multiple weapon upgrades its innovative use of this black and white system more than makes up for it. The level of strategy required to pass some of these levels is light-years beyond your average shooter.

Because I love you so desperately, I have scanned a bit of the Dynasty Tactics manual for you reading pleasure. Now, understand that this is one column of four printed in the manual, and this isn't even all of them. These diagrams should make the case for this game with more eloquence than I could manage myself.

I love Kristopher Straub, I really do. Long after I thought parodies of Apple's Switch Ads might have worn out their welcome, he goes and makes the best one.