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By Tycho – April 8, 2002

While playing Jedi Outcast yesterday with my esteemed colleague S. Monkey, mongrels could be heard to say "o no, i guess this server is full of grip whores." Just so you know, Grip is when Darth Vader lifts you off the ground and chokes you, even though he is a across the room. Suffice it to say, it's a Jedi Thing. Jedi do it. There's ways out of it. But it begs the question: Could a Jedi be a saber whore?

X Plus Whores Equals

By Tycho – April 8, 2002

I wish these people would just forget how to breathe, and die clawing at their carpets - writhing in the useless air like some doomed fish. In Tribes, precious, forward-thinking Tribes, it was very simple matter to mute an idiot when he begins to broadcast the true extent of his stunted faculties. Today's strip just collects our frustration - we can certainly understand why someone might not enjoy the losing, but like the Warbling Chattybitch the strained noises they make have no bearing whatsoever on anything. There is no politeness for your opposition; World War 2 was not some kind of Axis Vs. Allies bake-off. If I feel like taking a gun that shoots grenades, that the creators of the game saw fit to include, I'm going to Goddamn well take the gun that shoots grenades. If you don't like that, it's a pity I can't carry two. Try not to suck so much.

Now if they would just make an NJO game!

By Gabe – April 5, 2002

I almost forgot. Those of you playing Jedi Starfighter might be interested in this little tidbit. Try entering the code "pnyrcade" and see what you get. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Thanks to the cats at Lucas Arts. It’s great to be recognized in one of the best Star Wars games I have ever played.

Dungeon Siege is fun to play

By Gabe – April 5, 2002

I generally don't get into fantasy games, much less point and click style RPG ones. Somehow though, Dungeon Siege managed to get a grip on me. Killing monsters is fun but for me the real thrill comes from finding new items and a little something I like to call transmuting. To say that my ranger looks good would be an understatement. His silver chain mail is accented with a bright red flame thrower and matching hat. This ensemble tells monsters that this is a marksman who is serious about killing them with liquid fire and looking good while he does it. He's ready for summer but still holding on to spring with his +3 to strength leather boots. Watch out Krug Dogs, this flame throwing ranger is H-O-T hot!


The Sign Does Not Lie

By Tycho – April 5, 2002

Today's strip concerns a game you may be spending the weekend with, Gas Powered's inaugural release Dungeon Siege. DS is such a streamlined hack und slash experience that it virtually plays itself - which will probably be one of the main complaints leveraged against it. It won't keep people from buying it, oh, goodness no - they'll tell you this while they're playing. We've rather enjoyed it, ourselves. Spanning the gap between the Action RPG and an RTS, you can specify default behaviours for your characters which can obviate your presence altogether, provided you have someone to follow through the game. Gabe has actually gone and done chores while his lethal automaton and I plundered dungeons he might never see.

Kyle Katarn would be a cool dad.

By Gabe – April 4, 2002

Wow, lots of talk in the forum about today's comic strip. I had no idea that furies see them selves as being so unfairly persecuted. I guess they get this kind of shit from people all the time. I can't imagine why. *cough*nakedanimalporn*cough* I did get some nice mails from people pointing me towards what they called "tasteful" furry art. It turned out to be a rabbit woman in a bikini, soaking wet. I guess she had just gone swimming or something. It's totally okay for you guys to draw that stuff. It's also totally okay for me to say I don't like it. I mean come on. When you draw a picture of a unicorn man screwing a gazelle chick on a rainbow in outer space you have to expect some people to be a bit turned off by it.

TWH: Volume One

By Tycho – April 3, 2002

We are - collectively - in a miserable mood. Maybe someday we'll be able to discuss this year's problem in detail - but until then, please enjoy/endure our misanthropy. If you are wondering whether or not I'm speaking about you, ask yourself: Do I draw husky fox men with massive wing-wongs? Gabe may cast a wider net, but for me, that about covers it. TMNT falls under the documented "ninja" exception, as does Sanguine Productions' superlative Jadeclaw. Wishbone, on the other hand, is just disturbing.

Fucking April Fools day.

By Gabe – April 2, 2002

Ya, so I guess the Marvel vs. Capcom 3 news story at the cafe today is a joke. I honestly don't think I will ever understand the whole April Fools day thing. Like Tycho said, most people are assholes most of the time. I see no reason to encourage them.


...And I'm all out of gum.

By Gabe – April 1, 2002

Holy hot damn there has been a lot of exciting news recently. I hardly know where to start.

All Teeth Accounted For

By Tycho – April 1, 2002

It's one of the enduring mysteries of our age, today's comic only scratches the surface. And though broaching the subject publicly is probably going to bring the gravy train to a halt, it's a bizarre enough tale to warrant the telling.

I hope you weren't on the clock.

By Gabe – March 30, 2002

Well I guess now we know what Microsoft employees do while they are at work. Apparently they surf the web for obscure Star Wars material. Monkey’s point here I think is that all this other weird shit is considered canon so I should accept JK2’s multiplayer. The problem is that, as usual Monkey has no fucking clue what he is talking about. I didn’t bring up canon because that is a slippery slope but since Monkey want's to talk about it lets do it right. There are many different levels of canon, from First level canon all the way down to what Monkey is speaking about here which would be considered apocrypha. First level canon would be items that fall directly under George’s vision for the Star Wars universe. This would include the movies and their respective special editions. Next you would have second, third and fourth levels. These include things like the original screen plays and the radio dramas of the films. After that you get into “official”. This is where the books, comics and some of the games come in. The original Dark Forces games and Jedi Knight when beaten with the light side of the force are considered “official”. After official we get all the shit licensed by Lucas Arts but not actually a part of official continuity. This is called apocrypha or just plain unofficial. It is easiest to think of this stuff as an alternate reality or existing in it’s own timeline. This is where you get crap like the cereal and the other junk Monkey brought up. Finally at the bottom of the list you have fan fiction. I am not certain but I assume the single player portion of the game is considered “official” canon. It would have been nice if the same care that was put into the SP game to make it fit in with the Star Wars universe had also been given to the MP. But instead we get a pretty standard multiplayer experience that only pays lip service to the license. I guess I was just hoping for more.

Lord of the Rizangs

By Gabe – March 29, 2002

Here is a thought for you. I know Safety Monkey is a fan of Lord of the Rings as I’m sure many of you are. Here is another license with absolutely unlimited multiplayer possibilities. Let’s say though that a game comes out and all you get is DM and capture the flag. Not only that but you can play as any character you want and they all have rings of power. Just imagine an Elvin ranger named “LeGAYlos” firing arrows at a hobbit called “Frodo-Sexual” while an Orc uses his ring to turn invisible and sneak up behind both of them. Would you not feel just a tiny bit disappointed?


Is it retarded in here or is it just Monkey?

By Gabe – March 29, 2002

Thank you to everyone who mailed me in response to my little rant above. I was surprised at just how many of you agree with me. Of the hundred or so e-mails I got, only two of you felt like I was in the wrong. Since it seems like so many of us are in agreement on this subject I'll just do what we all do in real life. Ignore what Safety Monkey said and continue our conversation as if he'd never spoken at all.

I Rhyme With Pink

By Tycho – March 29, 2002

And I contain hypertext references. What am I?

Sweet Potato Pai

By Gabe – March 27, 2002

So, today's comic strip is a big one I know. See I thought it would be cool to color the comic strip to make it look like and old comic book. Once I get one of these bright ideas in my head there is no getting it out. I spent the better part of the day trying to figure out how to do it. Now that I think back there is probably some built in "old comic book" filter if I had just looked in the fucking manual. Anyway, I devised a system of layers, selections and channels that seemed to do the trick. Take a look at this image and you will see what I mean. Needless to say I was feeling pretty fucking smart at that point and I continued to create the panels for the strip using my special technique. Then as I began to assemble the panels together into the page I noticed that I was going to have to shrink them down quite a bit. Once I had shrunk it and saved it out I realized that all my hours of work creating those tiny dots was now lost to the Gods of 256 color optimization. I still think it looks okay, just not like what I had originally intended. I'll always have this image though to look back on and remember what could have been.