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Miller Time

Given how skittish and cowardly megacorporations tend to be, and especially given how much creative work Warners Brothers has either destroyed or sold for parts recently, their unwillingness to simply launch the film into the sun is quite novel, for reasons we'll go into. I suspect in addition to these, or any other invisible dynamics, the fact that it's an ensemble film means there are many, many moneyed individuals ready to take a bite of them if they do.

Rent Free

Late fees are not the part of the ritual I honor; if I recall correctly, there is still a fee on my credit score from Hastings - "my entertainment superstore" - as the result of a misplaced Monster Rancher. I had placed it under the seat of my car so it would always be in there, maximizing the return opportunities while minimizing its attack surface. I forgot about it completely. This is the kind of fruitless, clever-in-quotes ritual I have come to call "outsmarting yourself."


As a young person, I went to friend-of-a-friend Davy's apartment once, and in addition to the traditional panoply of wastrel paraphernalia, there was also a five foot tall bong. Don't ask why I was there. But there's a similar dynamic, with different material components, when I go over to the home of Mr. Gribbs. His drug of choice is ancient silicon, and so far it seems like his kids are still eating food and stuff so I haven't called the police.

One To One

When I was checking out watchmeforever, a procedurally generated sitcom on Twitch that would have gone on in perpetuity if it hadn't been banned, it routinely had more than ten thousand viewers. Most human beings don't do these kinds of numbers! I certainly don't. To see it engage in precisely the sort of behavior that gets streamers yanked in real life is weird but also just… correct. It's Turing stuff. No reason at this point not to just complete the prescribed arc.


Tray Chic

I have a couple friends for whom the crucible is apparently not good enough for their dice, when it's possible that the opposite is true: they are insufficient for the crucible. Craps is essentially a big dice tray inlaid with a mystic topography. Try to imagine the dice rolling off of the table, and onto the floor - like so many meatballs - and the Dice Priest being like "hey, nbd - you do you."

Vox Morkina

Don't be coming around here with this boomer shit. Also, don't be knocking on Mike's door unless you have a pizza, because we've got you motherfuckers clocked in 4k HDR. I have the angles to get some serious photogrammetry going, and I can ensconce an immortal version of you in a robust, materially simulated hell forever.


Man, this Dead Space shit. It has to feel incredibly bad to make a spiritual sequel/remake of your old game, a la Callisto Protocol, and people aren't super hot on it - then have an official remake come out very soon after and basically everybody likes it. That would fuck my head up something fierce. It's fucking me up and it didn't even happen to me! If I weren't already sitting down, I would have to sit down. Sit down and just rest. Rest these weary bones.

Lix Arcana

Okay! These are the last mice for now. I put the word "fin" in the script, and Gabriel replaced it with The End of The Beginning, which is good news for me because that means it won't take much coaxing to make him return to The Mouse Well. This is the sweet spot: an amount of coaxing situated somewhere between zero and one.



Okay. I think - think - there's two more. Then we'll be all done! Gorkamorka is having a lot of fun and making cool shit but he also gets very nervous when we exceed our remit, which is to do what we ordinarily do. I think he's nervous that we will overstay our welcome with these rodentine antics, and I understand the inclination, but I think we might have done that around, oh, 1999. He did put up a more tender, more juicy panel on the Tweeter if you were looking to increase the size of your .jpeg:

Mouse art!

By Gabe – January 25, 2023

I think it’s probably pretty obvious that Jerry and I are having a lot of fun with this mouse storyline. 2023 marks 25 years of making Penny Arcade and I love that it really is just whatever we want it to be. I could not ask for a better job so thank you for supporting us through our various flights of fancy. 



Mice To Meet You

I love having the story in my back pocket where, because I had an opportunity to experience the Satanic Panic first hand, D&D wasn't something I could play because of the red-hot, hoppin' Devil. Ironically, the time that I did spend in church taught me to try to find the lesson in such things, and as a grizzled ancient it's clear what that is: I think a lot of people start with D&D and stay there. I would have too, if I'd been allowed to. So the endpoint of that story is that I consider it a good thing, even if the reasons for it - that I was gonna learn real magic and deny my maker - were kinda weird. Although, I did sorta deny my maker so maybe she was half right.


Thanks for seeing me, Mr. Coast. Or… Can I call you Wizards? My associate is bound in silver chains; it should provide us a moment to speak. Let me congratulate you first on the new movie and television show and everything else that comes with the level of currency you've attained. Indeed; I was happy to help.  I remember when you came to us and wondered how you could get people to try D&D, and we suggested a podcast.  Different time, huh?