I only know what the great mass of humanity knows about 50 Shades Of Grey, which is to say I know the salacious cuts condensed in Buzzfeed articles designed to condense salacious cuts. Except this dark enterprise has sold, like, a hundred million copies, so maybe I'm actually the one on the outside here. Things worked out alright for me, all things considered - there is the occasional rough patch - but in terms of cultural ingress, I will never accomplish anything even remotely on that scale. I'm perfectly okay with that, by the way. But if I'm gonna talk shit, I should at least include a footnote somewhere about who is actually holding the whip.